Alien Trespass

Alien Trespass
Somewhere between parody and homage there's just doing something badly. Alien Trespass was clearly made with the intention to both emulate and satirize the classic B-movie sci-fi films of the 1950s – and not in a semi-serious Roland Emmerich kind of way, but in a careful replication of the era, complete with flying saucers, sub-par effects and some overly hammy acting. The problem, unfortunately, is that the movie aims to have it both ways and quite simply can't, straddling the cinematic line for about 10 minutes before falling gracelessly into its own confused voice.

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Night of the Living Jews

Night of the Living Jews
I know absolutely zilch about the Jewish religion. I know they have the little hats and the curly sideburns. That’s where my knowledge ends. Call me ignorant, but that’s just – okay yeah, I’m ignorant. Now since Night of the Living Dead came out some 40 years ago, there have been a million knockoffs on the title. Night of the Living Dorks (review), Night of the Living Bread, Flight of the Living Dead (review), and my personal favorite, Night of the Giving Head. Night of the Living Jews doesn’t exactly fit the naming scheme by being overly clever or witty, but it does give you a pretty good idea what the movie is going to be about. When sorting through the

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Transmorphers: Fall of Man

Transmorphers: Fall of Man
A worldwide robot alien invasion lays waste to civilization as we know it forcing pockets of human survivors to seek shelter anywhere. The might of military powers prove impotent in their counterattack. The Russians manage to capture one of these robots and successfully tortures it into giving up its secrets. Small bands of resistance fighters try unsuccessfully to fight back. Survivors forced underground by a poisonous gas that has spread across the globe. There's a hell of a movie going on in Transmorphers: Fall of Man; too bad most of it is occurring off-camera. We hear about it. We see little of it.

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Jackass 3D

Jackass 3D
Before seeing Jackass 3D, I only knew the franchise by reputation. I never watched the show or saw the first two movies. I was familiar with the premise: guys torture themselves for our amusement. The intellectual in me (tiny as he may be) always scoffed at the subject. “What a sad commentary on the state of entertainment in post-modern American (cue snobbish laugh)”. But then I remember that I watch Tosh.0 every week and seeing the self-inflected misfortunes of others makes me giggle. With that in mind, I went to see Jackass 3D and got exactly what I expected. While the 3D is only used effectively for about a quarter of the film’s sketches (particularly the first and last sketch), most of the gags are clever and some of the gags will make you gag. But there is no mistaking Jackass 3D, even if this is the first time you’ve stared into their abyss of pain.

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Bride Wars

Bride Wars
Do Hollywood studio executives think that women have a gene for tulle? Neural receptors just for Vera Wang? I wondered this as I was watching “Bride Wars,” a dopey if largely painless romantic comedy with Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway as best friends forever who turn into best enemies forever because of a wedding day glitch. Since childhood, the two have dreamed of getting married at the Plaza (alas, not to each other), a reverie that turns into a manufactured nightmare when their respective nuptials are scheduled for the same day in June.

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Lady in the Water

Lady in the Water
Lady in the Water has its origins in a bedtime story director M. Night Shyamalan made up for this kids. If this the kind of bedtime story he tells, I bet his kids have some freaky dreams. I also bet those dreams are a heck of a lot more intriguing than the film their dad made from the tale he wove for them.

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Arthur

Arthur

It's still an open question whether in this day of increased concerns about alcoholism and health you can do a remake of 1981's Arthur, a comedy about a lovable drunk, because the new Arthur, with Russell Brand playing the Dudley Moore role, is a mere burlesque riffing off the old Arthur rather than an actual remake that has reconceived or rethought the original film.

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The Back-up Plan

The Back-up Plan
Remembering back to 1998, I distinctly recall being a fan of Jennifer Lopez after OUT OF SIGHT. Despite the lame pop songs and the blah romantic comedies, I felt J-Lo had a great screen presence and I always enjoyed her performances, even if I wasn’t terribly impressed with her films. But somewhere post-Bennifer, Lopez lost whatever it was that made her enjoyable in movies and THE BACK-UP PLAN continues her streak of horrible films and second rate performances.

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Win a Date with Tad Hamilton

Win a Date with Tad Hamilton
One reasonable way to judge a romantic comedy is to ask how strong a rooting interest the viewer has in the coupling that is destined to occur at the end of the film. In Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!, the desire is lukewarm. The central flaw here isn't the predictability of the plot (that's a given in any film of this genre) or the absence of crisp dialogue, but the lack of conviction with which two of the three lead characters are presented. It's tough to develop a compelling romantic triangle when two-thirds of the participants aren't being effectively "sold."

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Mary Shelly's Frankenstein

Mary Shelly's Frankenstein
"In the last 20, 30 years, [Frankenstein has] been claimed by a whole generation of academics and scholars as a seminal piece of literature of that time. [It's] something which now, post-Freud, they feel reveals so many observations about family life, and incest, father-and-son relationships, and husband and wife relationships. [Frankenstein] speaks loudly to people, partly because it's so elusive. There's no definitive interpretation of it - it's certainly more than just a monster story." - Kenneth Branagh, director of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.

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The Wild Bunch

The Wild Bunch
The Wild Bunch
1969, Rated R
Ernest Borgnine, William Holden, Robert Ryan, Warren Oates, Jaime Sanchez
Director: Sam Peckinpah

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Balls of Fury

Balls of Fury
A disgraced former ping pong champion is drawn back into the world of high-stakes table tennis to carry out a top-secret mission in the feature directorial debut of Reno 911! writer/director Ben Garant. Far removed from the rigidly regulated world of professional sports, clandestine ping pong tournaments offer thrilling competition where only the strong survive.

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The Human Stain

The Human Stain
In the late 1990s, writer Nathan Zuckerman (Gary Sinise) has settled in a lakeside New England cabin following his second divorce and a battle with prostate cancer. His idyllic life is interrupted by Coleman Silk (Anthony Hopkins), a former dean and professor of classics at local Athena College, who was forced to resign after being accused of making racist remarks in class. Coleman's wife died suddenly following the scandal, and he wants to avenge his loss of career and companion by writing a book about the events with Nathan's assistance. The project is placed on the back burner when Coleman has an affair with Faunia Farley (Nicole Kidman), a considerably younger, semi-literate woman who supports herself by working at menial jobs. Their relationship is threatened by the faculty members who forced Coleman from his job and by Faunia's stalker ex-husband Lester (Ed Harris), a mentally unbalanced Vietnam War veteran who blames her for the deaths of their children in an accident. Flashbacks of Coleman's life reveal to the audience his secret - he is an African American who has passed as a Jewish white man for most of his adult life.

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Colditz aka Escape from Colditz

Colditz aka Escape from Colditz
Escape from Colditz — is a 2005 British two-part television film produced by Granada Television for ITV, written by Peter Morgan and directed by Stuart Orme. Part one initially screened on that network on 27 March 2005. In 2006, it won the BAFTA Television Craft Award for best sound design in a fiction or entertainment.

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Kiss Of The Vampire aka Immortally Yours

Kiss Of The Vampire aka Immortally Yours
Hamilton, Ohio was a sleepy little town. That is until a covenant of vampires decides to feed there. An upper class illuminati tries to reveal the vampires secrets to everlasting life, but in the meantime the vampires ravage the locals and baffle police. The only one with the power to stop them is one of their own.

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Who's Harry Crumb?

Who's Harry Crumb?
Harry is the latest generation of the Crumbs, famous and extremely talented detectives. Unfortunately, talent seems to have skipped a generation, and Harry is reduced to gumshoe work at a remote branch of the Crumb detective agency. Back at headquarters, Crumb executive Elliot Draison hatches an evil plan, which requires the inclusion of an incompotent detective. With Harry Crumb on the case, Draison thinks everything will run fine for him. Despite his best efforts, Crumb actually makes some headway in the case...

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