Saw VI

Saw VI
Somewhere within the Saw universe’s ridiculously convoluted back story is a film showing how the dying “Jigsaw Killer” John Kramer (Tobin Bell) won the lottery, set up corporate offices, and hired legions of worker elves to build a “torture district” the size of Disneyland. It would be a helluva lot more entertaining than watching his uber-secret second protégé (Mandylor, Mandylor, Costas Mandylor) tiptoe around the events of the previous films, which was all that the abysmal Saw V really had to offer.

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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
It's not that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, exhumed after 19 years to be the fourth in this series, is bad, exactly. But it's undeniably creaky.

At its world premiere in Cannes, the audience cheered it in advance, even breaking into a wordless singing of its theme tune. But they ended up laughing at moments that weren’t intentionally funny, and they seemed listless for long spells. Their response at the end was polite but muted.

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Catfish

Catfish
Nowadays, when you hear people talking about “the Facebook movie,” chances are they mean “The Social Network,” David Fincher and Aaron Sorkin’s soon-to-open inquiry into the rise of Mark Zuckerberg, one of the founders of Facebook. But the description might be even better suited to “Catfish,” a documentary by Henry Joost and Ariel Shulman that caused some hyperventilation at the Sundance Film Festival last winter.

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Black Book

Black Book
Paul Verhoeven is a filmmaker who takes no prisoners. He wants nothing more than to fracture reality through his particularly pulpy cinematic lens and to project this grotesque image in front of as many spectators as possible. He makes no excuses for his excesses and this is one of the reasons why he has been marginalized by much of the mainstream media. They have comfortably divided his career into two convenient phases: on the one hand, he is the Dutch art filmmaker who received worldwide acclaim for his “complex” films such as “Turkish Delight”, “Soldier of Orange” and “The Fourth Man”. On the other, he is the tabloid Hollywood sensationalist who glorified sleazy sex and extreme violence in such films as “RoboCop”, “Total Recall”, “Basic Instinct” and his American albatross, “Showgirls”. The division is merely convenient and nothing more than an illusion. All of the films mentioned, Dutch and American, are the work of a singular, brilliant filmmaker whose work has not changed at all from Holland to Hollywood and back.

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Far Cry

Far Cry
On a remote island in the Pacific Northwest, a scientist named Dr. Krieger (Udo Kier) is conducting horrific genetic experiments in his secret facility.

Krieger is attempting to create the ultimate soldier for his financial backers and is not above using his own men as test subjects and fodder for his experiments as the morally lacking Krieger only cares about his work and his funding.

In the film “Far Cry”, Director Uwe Boll has taken the classic 3D shooter from Ubisoft and given it his own unique interpretation.

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Red Riding Hood

Red Riding Hood
While it is easy to fall back on rhetoric and label things as the worst, or call something terrible, the truth is that most of the time it is just hyperbole. To be the worst at something, especially as a film, you almost have to work at it. Things need to go badly on almost every level from the story to the editing, and even really bad movies usually have a few redeeming qualities. It has been five days since I watched Red Riding Hood, and I still can’t find a single thing to really compliment it on.

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Miracle at St. Anna

Miracle at St. Anna
Recently, Spike Lee was in the news feuding with Clint Eastwood about the absence of black servicemen in Eastwood's recent Iwo Jima duology. According to Lee, Eastwood ignored history in Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima by not making any of the American characters black. Eastwood succinctly responded by suggesting that Lee should "Shut [his] face." One could argue that Lee's reason for making his complaint public was to garner publicity for Miracle at St. Anna, the controversial filmmaker's World War II tale about black soldiers in the European theater. Knowing Lee to be as passionate as he is outspoken, I prefer to believe his words are reflective of his feelings rather than just sound bites useful for the promotion of a film. Maybe the distributor (Disney/Touchstone) feels otherwise.

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Almost Famous

Almost Famous
One of the best reviewed movies of 2000, Almost Famous is sure to appear on many critics' end-of-the-year Top 10 lists. A number of respected voices have already declared this to be the best film of the year. However, although there's no doubt that Almost Famous represents a thoroughly engaging two hours spent in a darkened theater, lauding it as one of the year's greatest may be an overreaction by some to the poor quality of other 2000 entries to date. In fact, one could argue that Almost Famous is not even 43 year-old writer/director Cameron Crowe's best feature - both Say Anything and Jerry Maguire were superior.

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Unleashed

Unleashed
Unleashed is two radically different movies fused into one. On their own, each of the films might have stood a chance of working, but, brought together in concert, the radical shifts in tone create a weird dichotomy that will distract and disorient some viewers. As if that isn't bad enough, the storyline contains elements that are so patently ridiculous that you half-expect members of Monty Python's troupe to show up on screen to say, "And now for something completely different…"

Director Louis Leterrier (The Transporter) and screenwriter Luc Besson (The Professional) make unmistakable use of the three-act structure. The divisions are clear. Act I is grim and violent. Act II is a twist on Pygmalion. Then the violence is back with a vengeance in Act III. One senses that those who appreciate the middle 45 minutes of the film will be turned off by the bookend sections. And actor Jet Li's core constituency, which expects lots of martial arts fight scenes, will be mystified by why the film eliminates those elements for more than half of its running length. Those expecting a typical action movie may find themselves drifting off to sleep around Unleashed's midpoint.

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White Oleander

White Oleander
White Oleander is a flower - a hearty-but-poisonous flower whose beauty makes it appear deceptively fragile. This blossom, which appears several times throughout the film that takes its name, is a perfect metaphor for Ingrid Magnussen, the character played by Michelle Pfeiffer. Ingrid is strong, beautiful, and self-possessed, but she acts as a poison to everyone around her, especially her impressionable daughter, Astrid (Alison Lohman), who idolizes her mother. Yet Ingrid acts based on her own whims and desires, without considering how they might ultimately damage the daughter she claims to love.

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Ninth Gate

Ninth Gate
The Ninth Gate has two modes: tedious and moronic, with the two not being mutually exclusive. Then, one-hundred minutes into this seemingly interminable movie (which clocks in at about 2:10), things take a turn for the worse and The Ninth Gate spirals out of control. A jaw-droppingly bad mixture of film noir and the occult, this picture plods and meanders its way through one uninspired scene after another until it reaches an improbable, laughable climax followed by an equally ridiculous denouement. Only the lobotomized and the brain dead will be able to figure out the logic embraced by The Ninth Gate.

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Short Circuit 2

Short Circuit 2
Fisher Stevens reprises his role of Ben Jahrvi, the co-inventor of the cute robot Number Five, in this sequel to Short Circuit. Since the last film, Ben has moved to the city, where he lives in a truck and sells toy Number Fives as a street vendor. Ben plies his trade until one day luck strikes in the form of Sandy (Cynthia Gibb), a toy buyer in dire straits who offers Ben $50,000 if he can quickly churn out a thousand toy robots.

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Chocolat

Chocolat
Vianne Rocher (Juliette Binoche) like her ancestors, drifts across France. In the winter of 1959, she travels to a tranquil French village, where she and her daughter, Anouk (Victoire Thivisol), open a small chocolaterie. The store imbues both wonder and angst within the classical villagers as it opens during the forty days of Lent.

Soon, Vianne's allure and confections enliven a married couple's sex life, encourage an elderly man's secret love, bring rapport with a willful diabetic, and comfort an awkward woman who longs to leave her drunk and abusive husband. Nevertheless, the devout village mayor, Comte Paul de Reynaud (Alfred Molina), sees Vianne as an immoral provocateur and quietly contests against her. The battle peaks when a band of river gypsies camp on the village outskirts and Vianne finds a strong, mutual sexual attraction with the Manush Romani (Gypsy) Roux (Johnny Depp).

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Serendipity

Serendipity
At the height of the Christmas shopping season in New York City, Jonathan Trager (John Cusack) meets Sara Thomas (Kate Beckinsale) as they both try to buy the same pair of gloves at Bloomingdale's. They feel a mutual attraction, and despite the fact that each is involved in other relationships, they end up eating ice cream at Serendipity 3 together, and soon exchange goodbyes. However, both realize that they have left something at the ice cream bar, and return only to find each other again.

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Antitrust

Antitrust
Working with his three friends at their new software development company Skullbocks, Stanford graduate Milo Hoffman (Phillippe) is contacted by CEO Gary Winston (Robbins) of NURV (Never Underestimate Radical Vision) for a very attractive programming position: a fat paycheck, an almost-unrestrained working environment, and extensive creative control over his work. Accepting Winston's offer, Hoffman and his girlfriend, Alice Poulson (Forlani), move to NURV headquarters in Portland, Oregon.

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Diamond Geezer

Diamond Geezer
Season 1, Episode 0 Pilot A career criminal tries to persuade a first time offender to join forces with him in his new big scam. Season 1, Episode 1 A Royal Affair Original Air Date9 April 2007 Whilst relaxing in the South of France, Des and his son are arrested on suspicion of murder. However Scotland Yard offers them a way out - if they can steal a valuable diamond from inside Buckingham Palace, the charges will be dropped. Season 1, Episode 2 Old Gold Season 1, Episode 3 Old School Lies Des attends the wake of an old friend, who died of a heart attack which his mother believes stems from stressing over money and a pension fund which was stolen from him by asset-stripping firm Leyfield-Clark. Des resolves to steal it back...

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