The Lickerish Quartet

#1 | Movie Reviews

The Lickerish Quartet
A jaded, wealthy couple watch a blue movie in their castle home along with her adult son. The son is testy, so they go into town and watch a circus-like thrill ride. The daredevil woman in the show looks exactly like one of the women in the movie, so the man invites her to join them for a nightcap. Tensions among the family seem to rise. She stays overnight, and during her 24 hours in the castle, each of its three residents involves her in a fantasy. She, in turn, keeps asking, Who has the gun? Will there be violence before its over?

The Lickerish Quartet

Opportunity Knocks

#1 | Movie Reviews

Opportunity Knocks
Eddie and Lou are a couple of two-bit con men on the lam from a loan shark. They hide out in someones house and they hear on the answering machine that (A) the owner of the house is out of the country for a month or two and (B) the housesitter supposed to watch the house for the absent owner wont be able to watch the house due to a new job in another part of the country. This provides for a pretty nifty arrangement for Eddie and Lou...until the relatives of the house owner drop by to visit. Eddie quickly adopts the guise of the person supposedly housesitting for the owner, and the shenanigans start from there.

Opportunity Knocks

Night Watch

#1 | Movie Reviews

Night Watch
There are many words that could be used to describe Night Watch, but "conventional" and "dull" are not among them. The film has the twin virtues of being bold and dizzying, but it features a cramped and chaotic narrative that concludes with a climax that doesn't justify the build-up. The greatest disappointment with Night Watch is that, at a critical juncture, it fizzles. Instead of the epic resolution we are led to expect, the production delivers an expedient, unsatisfying finale - one that promises more to come in the second volume of a planned cinematic trilogy.

Night Watch

The Halo Effect

#1 | Movie Reviews

The Halo Effect
Id rather watch paint dry.

The Halo Effect

The Onion Movie

#1 | Movie Reviews

The Onion Movie
We watch the Onion News, Americas Finest News Source, with Dana Dobbs, Senior Correspondent Kip Kendall, and award-winning anchor Norm Archer. In addition to watching the news, we see the programs commercials, some commentary on the film as it proceeds, and we watch some terrorists in training. Behind the scenes, Onion Newss corporate owner, Global Tetrahedron, seeks synergy by promoting its other products within Norms news broadcast. Norm doesnt like it, especially when a toy penguin (think Energizer Bunny) waddles across his desk promoting a Global Tetrahedron film starring Steven Seagal. But Norm may end up needing Stevens help.

The Onion Movie

Savage Weekend

#1 | Movie Reviews

Savage Weekend
Several couples head upstate to the country to watch a boat being built. Unfortunately they are stalked by a murderer behind a ghoulish mask.

Savage Weekend

Crooked Business

#1 | Movie Reviews

Crooked Business
Sharp witted and street smart, small time hustler Elmo and his mate, Stand Up Stevie, are just trying to earn an easy buck. Life is great until Stevie gets in way over his neck selling a dodgy watch to the wrong people.

Crooked Business

KickOff

#1 | Movie Reviews

KickOff
What happens when the hardest team in the Sunday Soccer league comes up against a gay team (pun intended) and finds theyve finally met their match? Watch and wince as fledging referee Elton Glixton struggles to control this testosterone tsunami as rude-boy meets bum-boy in this outrageous new comedy set in the crazy gung-ho world of 5-a-side footie.

KickOff

Road of No Return

#1 | Movie Reviews

Road of No Return
Where do I start with Road of No Return? To be honest I am very disappointed with this movie. The acting is bad, the story line could be so much better and I can't believe that I had the patience to watch Road of No Return from start to finish.

Road of No Return

Too Much

#1 | Movie Reviews

Too Much
When Suzie and her parents take a visit to Japan her fathers business partner, an inventor called Tetsuro decides to make Suzie a robot. The robots name is Too Much (or TM for short) and he and Suzie become the best of friends. But when the day comes for Suzie to return home she finds shes not allowed to take TM with her, so they run away together. However, they must watch out for a rival inventor of Tetsuros is looking for them so that he can examine TMs programming. Will TM and Suzie manage to escape from his clutches and prove that love conquers all?

Too Much

Naked in New York

#1 | Movie Reviews

Naked in New York
Naked in New York begins in the car of grown up Jake, he is talking to us about his girlfriend, Joanne, (watch for the facial expressions) and to whom you can turn to for help while facing life (your parents, nyaa, I dont think so). From there it flashes back to his memories of his parents, college, house across from a squirrel infested peanut factory, best friend, writing career and Joanne.

Naked in New York

Kung fu

#1 | Movie Reviews

Kung fu
If this was a totally worthless film I would easily call it a Chinese rip off of Transformers but it bring more to the table than meets the eye. Under normal circumstances, I try to know as little as possible about a film before I watch it. I feel it allows me a better experience the film. Kung Fu Cyborg: Metallic Attraction is a film I should of done a bit of research on to avoid expectations. The year is 2046 and state-built robot K-1 is entrusted to the care of Xu Dachun, a super-righteous and supposedly incorruptible cop stationed in the Chinese countryside.

Kung fu

Thick as thieves. (The Code)

#1 | Movie Reviews

Thick as thieves. (The Code)
If there was a genre of film entitled ”Mediocre Heist Films”, “The Code” would be on the top of the list without a shadow of a doubt. Unfortunately, there is not a genre of that nature so “The Code” gets put towards the bottom of the list of ‘Heist Films’. Now don’t get me wrong, the film isn’t the worst film I’ve ever seen, the problem is that it is very forgettable.

Thick as thieves. (The Code)

Merlin and the War of the Dragons

#1 | Movie Reviews

Merlin and the War of the Dragons
Debatable if worth the time to watch it, but has its good sides. Starting with the bad ones. Low budget in everything. While not a crime by itself, one is left to wonder if scenes of murdering someone by sticking a sword under his armpit are best left out. Constant impression that the whole acting crew is maybe 20 people...

Merlin and the War of the Dragons

Open Season 3

#1 | Movie Reviews

Open Season 3
I really wanted to like this movie… but poor animation and a mediocre storyline leave this film trailing in the woods.

Boog is preparing for a trip with the guys when everyone, including his best friend Elliot, decides to bail out. Angered and hurt, Boog wanders on his own until he stumbles upon a Russian circus and a beautiful lady-bear named Ursa. Boog is so enamored by Ursa that he does not realize that Doug, another circus bear, is plotting his escape by trading places with Boog. When Boog’s friends realize that Doug is an impostor, they ban together to get their friend back.

Open Season 3