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The Virginity Hit

The Virginity Hit
The idea of a bunch of high school teens trying to get laid was a surprisingly refreshing convention when American Pie reused it back in 1999. The film updated the classic teen sex comedy formula and offered a delicate balance of raunchy and sweet, caring not only about our male leads, but their female lovers – whose needs were just as important (if not more so) as the men.

Now, more than 10 years later, things have most certainly changed. The teen sex comedy feels drained once more – worn out and often just filled with mindless sex, nudity, drug use and crass behavior. Some of it is funny, but most films fail to deliver anything of note. The only filmmaking team that really seems to find success in the genre is the Apatow gang, but even they've branched off from the genre, focusing less on films like Superbad and The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and sinking deeper into more mature films. Director Greg Mottola (who also directed Superbad) had some fascinating and poignant observations in Adventureland, but that film failed to garner much interest.

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The Box

The Box
Richard Matheson's original short story, "Button, Button," was a nifty little morality tale about a couple faced with a peculiar opportunity -- if they push a button in a box, they'll get a sum of money but kill a stranger in doing so. That version of the story ended with the wife pushing the button and killing her husband, a man she didn't really know. As an episode of "The Twilight Zone" in 1986, the story ended with the couple paid off and assured that the device would then go to another couple to whom they qualify as strangers. Now, Richard Kelly's The Box takes that same basic premise and spins it into a mind-bender of the most baffling degree, starting out as another "Twilight Zone"-worthy variant but eventually reaching the outer limits of both patience and reason.

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Meet the Spartans

Meet the Spartans
Hollywood has churned out a slew of spoofs within the last year alone, including Epic Movie, Balls of Fury, The Comebacks, and Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. Now, less than a month into 2008, we have Meet the Spartans -- a spoof of a movie, 300, that only opened last March. One wonders if studios aren't already developing spoofs of their forthcoming summer movies for release the following winter.

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3-Iron

3-Iron
Spoilers ahoy! It's virtually impossible to write a meaningful review of this film without giving away things. However, since 3-Iron isn't really plot-centered, it's hard to say how much these revelations will "spoil" the viewing experience. Not much, in my opinion, but I include this warning because I'm going to talk about the beginning, the middle, and the end. Paragraph #6 is where the most revealing spoilers are found.

I don't often refer to a film as "haunting," because I think it's an overused term. To me, a haunting film is one that relentlessly stays with the viewer for hours, or even days, after a viewing. Its memory refuses to diminish and it demands rumination. A good movie isn't always haunting, and a haunting one isn't always good, but there often is a correlation. Such is the case with 3-Iron, the latest film from acclaimed Korean director Kim Ki-duk (whose Spring Summer Fall Winter…and Spring made my Top 10 list last year). This enigmatic and in some ways maddening motion picture has the power to haunt every viewer it reaches.

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Meet the Parents

Meet the Parents
What has happened to Robert De Niro's career? Once referred to as one of the top working American actors, De Niro has seen his talents wasted countless times in recent years as he has chosen one bad project after another. The list of titles reads like a litany of mediocrity: The Fan, Great Expectations, Flawless, The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, Men of Honor, and Meet the Parents. There have been a few entertaining efforts mixed in, like Ronin and Analyze This, but one has to go back to the mid-1990s and Casino to find the last time that De Niro truly lit up the screen.

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My Best Friend's Girl

My Best Friend's Girl
Romantic comedies are fantasies. They invite us to fall in love with the main characters as they fall in love with each other. That's difficult to accomplish when viewers find themselves actively disliking those characters. How is it possible to succumb to the fantasy when its participants are sleazy, creepy, or bitchy? With My Best Friend's Girl, director Howard Deutch has the beginnings of an excellent anti-romantic comedy: unlikeable characters, betrayals, and a general desire to see everyone die in a nuclear holocaust. For a while, My Best Friend's Girl seems to be going in the direction of a full-on black comedy where the words "ever after" are spoken only in reference to the phrase "praying for the end of time" (with apologies to Meat Loaf). Alas, around the halfway point, the film takes a 180-degree turn and tries to follow the formula, reforming the selfish protagonist and proving that true love conquers all. The problem? We still hate the characters and the happy ending feels as much like a cheat as any I have seen all year.

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Swept Away

Swept Away
The word that best describes Guy Ritchie's version of Swept Away is "unfortunate."

The word that best describes Madonna's attempt to play Amber Leighton is "unfortunate."

The word that best describes my decision to see this movie is "unfortunate."

Make no mistake: Swept Away is a bad movie. No amount of perfume sprayed on talk show audiences by Madonna and her husband can eliminate the stench of failure emanating from this motion picture. However, it is not, as has been suggested by a number of critics, one of the worst films of all time. (Hyperbole Alert!!) In fact, it's not even one of the worst films of the year. Swept Away comes out favorably when compared to the likes of Rollerball and Serving Sara. It fares the worst when contrasted with the original Swept Away, the controversial 1974 effort that earned writer/director Lina Wertmuller a Best Director Oscar Nomination.

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Crow
The Crow is a gothic nightmare. With a view of Detroit that is every bit as bleak and dazzling as the urban panoramas presented in Batman and Blade Runner, this film makes it clear from the outset that wherever its flaws may lie, they will not be in the realm of visual presentation. Indeed, not only is The Crow a feast for the eyes, but it collides violently with another sense, utilizing a high decibel soundtrack to keep the energy level up.

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Ladyhawke

Ladyhawke
IN the 13th century, somewhere

between Navarre and Anjou,

there was the walled city of

Aquila, ruled by a wicked bishop who lusted after a great beauty named Isabeau. However, Isabeau loved - and was loved by - Etienne, the handsome captain of the bishop's guards. When the jealous bishop cottoned onto the truth, he struck a bargain with the devil, who obliged his latest convert by putting a terrible curse on the lovers.

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True Confessions

True Confessions
Adapted by John Gregory Dunne and Joan Didion from Dunne's novel, True Confessions uses the still-unsolved "Black Dahlia" murder as the foundation for a devastating attack on big-city corruption -- in which it appears that many of the perpetrators wear clerical collars. In, 1948 Los Angeles detective Tom Spellacy (Robert Duvall) is assigned to investigate the death of a priest, who apparently suffered a heart attack while being serviced by a prostitute.

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American Outlaws

American Outlaws
The southern army is trying to track down the Yankee army during the civil war. The south is ambushed, but thanks to the sharp-shooting of Frank James (Gabriel Macht) and the distracting and at the same time clever antics of Jesse James (Collin Farrell), the south manages to pull through. The James brothers, along with their war buddies, the Younger brothers, congratulate themselves, but (during the ride to reconnect with their unit) are surprised to learn that their army has pulled out, General Lee had surrendered the previous day at Appomattox, and the war is over. The group decides to return home to their families and farms.

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The Master of Disguise

The Master of Disguise
In Palermo, Italy in 1979, Fabbrizio Disguisey (James Brolin), the latest in a long line of Italian secret agents known as "Masters of Disguise," barely avoids getting caught while breaking up a smuggling ring run by the evil Devlin Bowman (Brent Spiner) while disguised as Bo Derek. Bowman goes to jail and Fabbrizio decides it best to keep his family's identity a secret from his infant son, Pistachio.

Twenty years later, Fabbrizio runs an Italian restaurant in America with his unnamed wife (Edie McClurg) and Pistachio (Dana Carvey) working as, respectively, the cook and a waiter. Thanks to his heritage, Pistachio has a tendency to mock people at random, doing perfect but annoying and badly timed impersonations. He's also looking for a wife, but his nerdy demeanor makes him unlikeable to women, as well as a target for bullies, like fellow waiter Rex (Jay Johnston).

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Chop Shop

Chop Shop
Alejandro, a tough and ambitious Latino street orphan on the verge of adolescence, lives and works in an auto-body repair shop in a sprawling junkyard on the outskirts of Queens, New York. In this chaotic world of adults, young Alejandro struggles to make a better life for himself and his 16-year-old sister, Isamar.

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Gallipoli

Gallipoli
The story of a group of young Australian men who leave their various backgrounds behind and sign up to join the ANZACs in World War I. They are sent to Gallipoli, where they encounter the might of the Turkish army.

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Made... The Movie

Made... The Movie
Tells the story of an unpopular high school student as she pursues her dream of attaining a coveted spot on the cheerleading team.

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Most Wanted

Most Wanted
Sgt. James Dunn, who is wrongly accused of assassination of the officer he had a row with, is saved from death row and recruited for top-secret special operations squad led by Lt. Col Grant Casey. Their mission is to neutralize criminals who had avoided conventional law enforcement methods. On his first Mission, James is made the fall guy for the assassination of the first lady and everyone is looking for him and Dr. Victoria Constantini who was lucky to videotape what happened. One of the forces looking for him is military, led by Gen. Adam Woodward, which is in fact an alias for Grant Casey.

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