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The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient

The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient
A while back a friend turned me on to a short film called Criticized. The 18-minute film tells the story of a film critic who, after writing a horribly scathing feature review, is abducted by the filmmaker in question and tortured. Having written a few terse reviews in my day, I enjoyed the film immensely despite quivering at the notion. I can only assume that Writer/Director Richard Gale made the film in response to the treatment he received on his first two features—The Proposal and Pressure. And yet, despite the intense violence on display in the production, I couldn’t help but feel that Criticized was a brilliant tongue and cheek viewing experience that offered more than a little catharsis for the man behind the lens. The short went on to win several awards including best film at Montreal’s esteemed Fantasia Film Festival and the New York City Horror Film Festival.

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Dance Flick

Dance Flick
Probably the only thing that people are wondering about the Wayans’ Dance Flick is whether it’s closer to Don’t Be a Menace or White Chicks. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure everyone already knows the answer. For whatever reason, the Wayans’ brand of comedy has fallen off from the Ivory tower it was perched on in the mid-90s. Maybe time has passed them by while failing to innovate, maybe they stepped too far back from the cutting edge, maybe having every member of their family contribute creatively waters down the humor. Who knows. What’s for sure is that Dance Flick falls flat.

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Alien vs. Ninja

Alien vs. Ninja
Once upon a time in Japan, there was a band of great Iga Ninja warriors. One day, they witnessed a strange flash in the sky, followed by a roaring giant fireball crashing into the distant forest.

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Nine
Nine represents director Rob Marshall's second big-screen musical spectacle. His previous effort, Chicago, won an Oscar; although Nine is likely to win its share of praise, it probably won't come close to achieving the same level of acclaim. Although the production numbers are equally impressive, this film is neither as inspired nor as rousing. Part of the problem may be that there are too many high profile actresses vying for the spotlight and each has to be given her moment to shine. Also, despite following its stage inspiration and bringing structure to Fellini's 8 1/2 (the ultimate source material), Nine still suffers at times from a lack of narrative drive and it doesn't have the surreal, dreamlike quality of 8 1/2 to fall back upon.

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Mrs. Brown

Mrs. Brown
Mrs. Brown is a love story much in the same vein as Carrington in that it deals with platonic affection that runs deeper and truer than that of the motion picture staple romantic variety. These days, it seems that whenever we see a male/female friendship on screen, it's just a setup for the inevitable moment when the two realize that they're fated to be lovers. Not so with Mrs. Brown, one of the most emotionally sensitive and intelligent love stories of the year. It shows, amongst other things, that it's possible to love completely and with unflagging devotion without sex ever becoming an issue.

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Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
One thing is certain about Clint Eastwood: he doesn't play it safe. Two years ago, he surprised just about everyone (and gave his fans a collective apoplexy) by directing and starring in an ultra-sensitive tearjerker called The Bridges of Madison County. Now, following a romp through more familiar territory in Absolute Power, Eastwood the director is back with this slow, moody adaptation of John Berendt's novel, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. It's a compelling but meandering tale of lust, murder, sex, voodoo, and betrayal. Despite the presence of so many titillating elements, the film's nearly somnambulant pace makes it easy for a viewer to lose his or her concentration.

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Queen Margot

Queen Margot
The ageless Isabelle Adjani, one of France's most beautiful faces, has an undeniable screen presence. And, with his lean, well-toned body and finely-sculpted features, Vincent Perez is equally pleasing to the eye. However, put them together with the expectation that they'll play off one another, and the love affair that's supposed to sizzle instead fizzles. Not only is there no chemistry between these two, but the cold-as-ice Adjani never thaws, and Perez shows that in France, like elsewhere, physical attractiveness does not equate to acting talent.

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The Stickup

The Stickup

Crime has hit the small town of Vidalia: A local bank's been robbed, and the thief has run off with half a million dollars. It's up to a mysterious ex-cop named Parker (James Spader), FBI newbie agent Rick Kendall (John Livingston) and the local arm of the law, Ray DeCarlo (David Keith) to catch him. But here's an added wrinkle: Parker's fallen for DeCarlo's ex-wife (Leslie Stefanson), which makes finding the crook stickier than usual.

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Silent Night

Silent Night
Fact-based World War II story set on Christmas Eve, 1944, finds a German Mother (Linda Hamilton) and her son seeking refuge in a cabin on the war front. When she is invaded by three American soldiers and then three German soldiers, she successfully convinces the soldiers to put aside their differences for one evening and share a Christmas dinner.

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Evil
Erik Ponti is a fifteen year old living with his mother and stepfather. At home, his sadistic stepfather beats him for even the most minute infractions. His docile mother ignores her husband's sadistic nature and allows the violence to proceed. At school, Erik is violent and frequently engages in fights, as a result of his violent upbringing. After a particularly vicious fight, Erik is expelled. The headmaster labels him vicious and accuses him of being pure evil. In an attempt to provide her son with a fresh start he sorely needs, his mother sells of some of her possessions and sends Erik to a boarding school.

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Heaven's Soldiers

Heaven's Soldiers
The film begins with high-level military leaders from both North and South Korea discussing the surrender of a North Korean 50 MT nuclear warhead (BiGeokJinCheonRyoe, Korean 비격진천뢰) in a secret underground development bunker near the DMZ. The warhead was secretly jointly-designed, but international pressure has forced North and South Korea to hand over the device and close the facility. North Korean officer Major Kang, displeased with the conciliation of the Koreas, rebels and steals the warhead with the help of several of his loyal soldiers, even killing some North Korean guards in the process. Due to the top-secret nature of the meeting, the leaders of both sides cannot request reinforcements to apprehend the officer, and instead dispatch a South Korean special forces platoon under the leadership of Major Jung-Woo Park, who was present at the meeting.

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Bee Season

Bee Season
Saul Naumann (Gere) is a somewhat controlling Jewish husband and father. A Religious Studies professor at UC Berkeley, Saul wrote his graduate thesis on the Kabbalah. A devout Jew, his wife Miriam (Binoche) converted to Judaism when they married, and he nurtured his son Aaron (Minghella) into a traditional studious Jew like him. When Eliza (Cross) wins her class spelling bee, they embark on a course of Kabbalah study to help her win. The film follows the family and the spiritual quests upon which they journey, in large part because of Saul: Miriam's attempt to make herself whole, Aaron's religious uncertainty, and Eliza's desire to be closer to her father.

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Kiss the Boys

Kiss the Boys
Kiss The Boys is a story about Sam (Kurt Sinclair) who starts off as a very successful plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills but after his wife finds out a dark secret about his past, strange things begin to happen to him. Sam s world gets turned upside down when Scott, a teenager he killed in 1986 comes back from the dead and begins to take full control over Sam s body, mind and soul. Sam quickly finds himself involved in Satanic rituals that eventually lead him straight to death row for killing off some of LA s most beautiful male escorts. Sam uses Scott as an elaborate excuse for freedom, while Jackie (Bethany Marie Wilson), a special investigative reporter finds the clues, alongside the FBI that will save the fifth one , Tony before it s too late. Sam s life as a serial killer gets revealed to the world along with some very strange, dark secrets from his past.

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Leprechaun in the Hood

Leprechaun in the Hood
Hes been in the country side, hes been downtown, hes been to Las Vegas, hes even been in space, now that evil Leprechaun is in DA HOOD! Three young rap artists are looking for a break. They need money to buy some music equipment so they can go to Las Vegas and enter a contest. They meet up with a local pimp named Mack Daddy who agrees to hook them up, but later declines. The rappers want to get even with him so one night they break into Macks place and steal alot of his jewelry, gold, and even the medallion off an ugly looking statue. Shouldnt have done that! Because without the medallion, the state transforms into the Leprechaun, who goes on a killing spree once again looking for his missing gold, once again! And the song says it all, theres nothin scarier than a Lep in the hood!

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Nothing Personal

Nothing Personal
Alone in her empty flat, from her window Anne observes the people passing by who nervously snatch up the personal belongings and pieces of furniture she has put out on the pavement. Her final gesture of taking a ring off her finger signals she is leaving her previous life in Holland behind. She goes to Ireland, where she chooses to lead a solitary, wandering existence, striding through the austere landscapes of Connemara. During her travels, she discovers a house that is home to a hermit, Martin.

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