The Illusionist

The Illusionist
Where magic is involved, things are rarely what they seem to be. Take Neil Burger’s latest movie The Illusionist: With a talented A-list cast (Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti) and a strong first half hour, the movie masters the art of blending a period piece setting with supernatural mystique. Then disappointingly, like an overconfident magician, The Illusionist gets too cocky and sloppy with its trickery. The gorgeously told story quickly derails into a series of gimmicks and cheats that make the magical spell go ‘poof’.

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Streets of Blood

Streets of Blood
Streets of Blood is as ridiculous as it sounds. The DVD box reads, 'The Big Easy is losing the fight,' but it should say, 'The Bad Movie is killing the audience.' Here is a direct-to-video Festival of the Absurd so over-the-top, so incompetently made, so lacking in decent taste and common sense that the only thing missing to keep it from late-night Skinemax is a couple of sleazy softcore sex scenes. Sure, the film loves gratuitous jiggle shots, but they are not nearly long-winded enough to make the grade. Sad, since that is the only vein in which a movie like this could be deemed remotely successful.

At first the movie simply seems outdated, since it takes place in the immediate aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. But we soon forget that simple fact once we realize that the setting is merely tertiary, and the story being told within that setting makes so little sense that it might as well take place in Lizard Lick, NC. Streets of Blood has literally nothing to do with New Orleans other than its characters' strained Creole accents and the occasional second-unit close-up of a Big Easy street sign that cuts away to transparent, poorly-lit sound stages.

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Drive Angry 3D

Drive Angry 3D
While an incredibly fun and original genre movie is very, very welcome in the midst of this particularly dim winter for wide releases, here’s the shame of it: Late this April, “summer” will kick off with the fifth entry of a tired and often obnoxiously dumb series built around fast cars. Really, there’s only the slimmest of chances it’s better than Patrick Lussier and Todd Farmer’s 3D revenge road movie, which is much more befitting of signifying the beginning of hot weather, short shorts and sweet times.

To know DRIVE ANGRY is to love it. It’s brief opening narration from William Fichtner’s The Accountant (who steals the film) musing on the fates of bad-ass motherf**kers sets a stage built on pyrotechnics and the bones of lesser men. The film very much stars Nicolas Cage as John Milton, who after escaping hell is on a singular mission to eradicate the cult leader (Billy Burke as Jonah King) who murdered his daughter and stole her baby. He finds feisty companionship in ex-waitress Piper (Amber Heard) as they charge towards the site of the infant’s sacrifice under the full moon, with many misadventures along the way.

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Mad Hot Ballroom

Mad Hot Ballroom
Mad Hot Ballroom is about ballroom dancing in the same way that Spellbound is about spelling bees and Hoop Dreams is about basketball. That is to say, tangentially. Although ballroom dancing forms the backdrop against which this uplifting documentary is set, Maryilyn Agrelo and Amy Sewell's co-production is about much more. In particular, it's about the children we meet and the process of maturation they undergo. Children and ballroom dancing? You read that right. This is what happens in and around a school program that teaches New York City elementary schoolers how to swing, tango, and do the rumba.

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Post Grad

Post Grad
These tough economic times, with the national unemployment rate inching toward double digits, would seem to offer the perfect opportunity to release a movie about the difficulties faced by a recent college graduate in obtaining not merely the "perfect job," but any job at all. Unfortunately, as such a candidate, Post Grad isn't funny, surprising, or insightful enough to provoke more than a ho-hum reaction. It's not bad in the way that many failed comedies are bad; it's simply uninspired. And, in the end, what starts out as an exploration of a woman finding herself once she's freed from the hermetically sealed safety bubble of the college experience turns into yet another romantic comedy in which the girl drops everything and pursues the boy as he stakes out his future.

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Something New

Something New
Something New is something old and very familiar. This is an opposites attract romantic comedy, with a racial twist thrown in to add a little spice. Actually, these days, with mixed race relationships becoming commonplace, it's debatable how big a "twist" this is. 30 or 40 years ago, a movie about a black character dating a white one was radical. Today, it doesn't raise an eyebrow. Society's views have changed to the degree where it has become possible to use the premise of the serious Look Who's Coming to Dinner for the sit com-ish Guess Who.

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Bad Lieutenant

Bad Lieutenant
Harvey Keitel plays an unnamed New York City lieutenant who's a lot worse than the criminals who infest his streets. A womanizer, drug abuser, alcoholic, and gambler, the bad (and unnamed) lieutenant epitomizes corruption and decadence. When his chance at redemption comes as the result of the brutal rape of a nun, is there anything left within him to redeem?

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Torque

Torque
It amuses me that movies like Torque actually list a writer. Then again, even porn films have "screenplays." And that's pretty much what this is: porn for bikers. There are plenty of spread legs, but, in this case, they're clamped around hogs. But, to the extent that anyone is looking for erotic symbolism, it's not exactly subtle. Torque is as much about sex as it is about the more obvious testosterone and violence.

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X-Men

One of the most popular superhero teams in comic book history finally comes to the screen in this big-budget adaptation of the long-running Marvel Comics series. Psychic Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart) leads a school of skilled mutants called X-Men, a peacekeeping force to safeguard the world against a race of genetically mutated humans known as Homo Sapiens Superior. However, Magneto (Ian McKellen), a mutant with a powerful magnetic charge, has also begun to organize a team to strike first against what he believes to be a threat from humanity.

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Curse of the Golden Flower

Curse of the Golden Flower

A dying love between two powerful people leads to deceit, infidelity, and conspiracy in this epic-scale historical drama from director Zhang Yimou. During the latter days of the Tang dynasty, the Emperor (Chow Yun-Fat) returns home from the war with his son Prince Jai (Jay Chou) in tow. However, the monarch gets a chilly reception from the Empress (Gong Li); though she's eager to see her son, her marriage has become deeply acrimonious, and she's taken a lover, Crown Prince Wan (Liu Ye), her stepson from the Emperor's first marriage.

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Extreme Ops

Extreme Ops
A commercial director and three extreme sports enthusiasts took their trip to a distant mountain retreat for seasonal practice and stunt filming. They stumble upon an intricate group of terrorists plotting an attack against them. The terrorists soon find out that they had been watched by the group and rush swiftly to kill the witnesses. Now racing for their lives against helicopters and expert assassins, the enthusiasts must put their quick extreme sports skills to the test in order to escape the mountain.

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The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String

The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String
A diminutive and seductive Throbbit has been entrusted with the task of destroying the all-powerful G-String that can grant its possessor untold powers.

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Siam Sunset

Siam Sunset
A British design executive, who seemingly has everything going for him has his life totally changed when a refrigerator falls from an aircraft and lands on his wife. He decides to getaway from it all by taking a trip to Australia. On his bus, he meets a wild group of eccentrics, including a woman who has stolen cash from her drug-dealing boy friend. As the movie moves along, we learn further that the executive is constantly accident-prone and drawn into unlikely situations. The films title refers to a new design color that Roache is trying to develop.

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Junkfood Horrorfest

Junkfood Horrorfest
Scarlet Frys Junkfood Horrorfest starring Calico Cooper (Alice Coopers daughter) is a sick and demented horror anthology featuring six twisted tales hosted by the ghoulish Scarlet Fry that will turn your stomach and send you crying for your mommy. See blood thirsty cannibals, satanic zombies, demented nurses, junkie serial killers, freaky perverts and more as scarlet fry takes you on the thrill ride of your life. This blood drenched film is not for the weak at heart.

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Killer Bitch

Killer Bitch
Already heralded as sick, sordid and vile before it had even been released, KILLER BITCH aims to shock like all good British gangster films should. The plot sees a woman blackmailed into a deadly game in order to protect the lives those she loves. The sexy Yvette Rowland, hard-nut actorcage-fighter Alex Reid and former World Boxing Champion Robin Reid head a cast packed with genuine criminal legends including Dave Courtney and the notorious Howard Marks.

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Love N' Dancing

Love N' Dancing
2002 Jake Mitchell is the defending World West Coast Swing Champion. Hes got everything going for him looks, personality, and style. Hes at the top of his game when he and his partner Corinne are crowned the unexpected winners at the World Swing Dance Championships. As the crowd cheers and the celebration begins, Jake appears uneasy. Did he really deserve to win? The music blasts and the bass is thumping, and Jake hears none of it. He feels it. Jake is completely deaf, due to an ear infection when he was a teenager. He learned how to dance by feeling the vibrations of the music.

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