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Chain Letter

Chain Letter
Technology is evil, I tell you... EVIL! At least, that's what Chain Letter poorly attempts to convey over the film's drawn-out, tiresomely bland 89-minute running time. Yup, Chain Letter is one of those films that tries (and fails) to scare us out of using technology. But even worse (or preposterous), our villain is an e-mail spammer who murders those who don't forward his villainous chain letters. Oooo, scary... or stupid take your pick.

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Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo belongs to a rare genre: the literate motion picture murder mystery/thriller. (Coincidentally, I saw another good example, the Korean Mother, earlier in the week, but this one is better.) It unfolds not with the breakneck velocity of a typical movie of this sort, but with the gradual, unforced, character-based focus of a novel. It relies more on deduction and the pursuit of clues than on sudden twists and surprises. Few viewers, I imagine, will be shocked when the chief villain is unmasked, but this won't limit anyone's enjoyment of the proceedings.

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Twelve and Holding

Twelve and Holding
There's something compelling, and occasionally profound, about a well-made coming of age story. Perhaps part of the reason is that the experience, although shaded with subtle differences for each individual, is universal. Regardless of race, class, or gender, every human being must at some time cross over the cusp of adulthood. As in many films, Twelve and Holding uses a dramatic event as a catalyst. A tragic occurrence forces three 12-year olds (hence the title) to make the leap, perhaps prematurely, out of childhood.

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Fun with Dick and Jane

Fun with Dick and Jane
Have you ever gone through the painful experience of watching someone who was once good at something try to recapture their past glory? It can be in sports, acting, writing, or any number of vocations. That's the dubious opportunity Fun with Dick and Jane offers viewers. Jim Carrey tries to turn back the clock and venture into Ace Ventura mode, without realizing that he's no longer the comedian he was a dozen years ago. In the interim, he has matured to the point where we no longer accept him in this kind of role. (Even Adam Sandler, Carrey's heir apparent, has moved into more serious pictures.) Stranger still, the film contains dark undercurrents and elements of melodrama that clash with Carrey's attempts to resurrect the zaniness and physicality of his past. Much of the film's comedy feels muted; Fun with Dick and Jane isn't a lot of fun.

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Legend of Zorro

Legend of Zorro
Some sequels are made too soon, while others are made too late. The Legend of Zorro, Martin Campbell's follow-up to his well-received 1998 feature, The Mask of Zorro, falls into the latter category. It's difficult to say whether the film would have been better had it gone before cameras three or four years ago but, by 2005, it feels creaky and out-of-date. The production is suffused by an almost desperate attempt to recapture the mood of its predecessor, but the tone is forced rather than natural, and the resultant production is bloated, contrived, and not very entertaining. The Mask of Zorro worked because of its engaging mix of action, romance, and comedy. The Legend of Zorro goes 0-for-3, striking out as it tries (and fails) to recapture the pleasure offered by the earlier story of the swashbuckling superhero.

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Hottie and the Nottie

Hottie and the Nottie
Every February it seems there's something like The Hottie & the Nottie - a cinematic excursion so horrific that it's an insult to bad movies to call it a bad movie. One question that might cross the curious movie-goer's mind is who in his/her right mind would hire Paris Hilton, professional celebrity and amateur porn star, to headline a mainstream romantic comedy. Some insight to the answer can be found by perusing the credits, which list Ms. Hilton as an Executive Producer. Since Executive Producers are often responsible for providing the money, this explains a lot.

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Blair Witch Project

Blair Witch Project
"In October of 1994, three student filmmakers disappeared in the woods near Burkittsville, Maryland while shooting a documentary. A year later their footage was found." With this ominous pronouncement on a title card, The Blair Witch Project begins. It's an effective and startling hook to open a film, and the product that follows delivers on the promise of this unusual premise. The Blair Witch Project caused a major stir with Sundance, and for good reason - it was perhaps the most offbeat, energetic, and eye-opening motion picture to screen there. Word-of-mouth was so strong that a special screening had to be scheduled in the 1300-seat Eccles theater, and it was packed.

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Galaxy Quest

Galaxy Quest
Back in the years when Star Trek was still a cult phenomenon (instead of a mainstream cash cow for Paramount Pictures), fan fiction was about the only way Trekkies could experience the latest exploits of their favorite characters. One of the more inventive examples of such writing was called "Visit to a Weird Planet Revisited" (by Ruth Berman). The premise underlying this story is that a transporter malfunction causes three Star Trek characters (from an alternate universe) to switch places with the actors playing them. Consequently, William Shatner finds himself in command of a very real starship out in space that is under attack by the nefarious Klingons. This same central conceit forms the basis of the movie Galaxy Quest, except that the TV show in question is only Star Trek in spirit, not in fact.

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Mrs. Doubtfire

Mrs. Doubtfire
It seems strange to watch Mrs. Doubtfire and not see Dustin Hoffman. This is, after all, a variation on Tootsie meets Kramer vs. Kramer, both of which featured Hoffman. Here, it's Robin Williams fighting for custody of his children, while donning high heels and a brassiere at the same time.

In terms of plot, the film is rather feeble, but sometimes there's more to a movie than story, and this is one of those rare occasions when all the other elements pull together and lift the production. Mrs. Doubtfire is great fun. Strictly speaking, it's not a top example of movie making, but it offers two hours of undeniably solid entertainment, and not too many viewers can argue with that.

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Congo
Since the release of Jurassic Park, Michael Crichton has become a Hollywood staple. Rights to each new novel are quickly optioned, and the resulting film is on the market as soon as ILM can get the special effects done. Congo is the fourth adaptation of a Crichton novel in two years (following Jurassic Park, Rising Sun, and Disclosure), all of which performed well at the box office. Given its position in the summer blockbuster race, it's unclear how this latest picture will do, but one thing is certain: this is easily the worst filmed version of anything penned by the prolific author.

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Hercules

Hercules
Let me start by saying that Hercules, Walt Disney Pictures' 35th animated feature, makes for good family entertainment. Good, not great. While this film is capable of providing a ninety minute diversion for both kids and adults, it's a far cry from such recent classics as The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin. A mere five years ago, Disney was developing top-notch animated movies on a regular basis. Now, in 1997, the studio's efforts have become dull and routine. Complacency has set in. No one is pushing Disney and revenue is up -- where's the incentive to stop the assembly-line animated feature production and get back to creative movie making? Hercules has the dubious distinction of being the least-enchanting cartoon Disney has fashioned in over a decade.

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The Mists of Avalon

The Mists of Avalon
Based on the bestseller by Marion Zimmer Bradley It tells the story of the women behind King Arthur including his mother, Igraine his half-sister, Morgaine his aunt Viviane, the Lady of the Lake and his wife, Gwenwyfar.

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Madhouse

Madhouse
The film opens with a flashback depicting a young boy escaping from Cunningham Hall, a mental facility. The boy escapes through his window and manages to run into nearby woods, where two of the facility's staff pursue him. The boy escapes into an open area, when a car emerges from the darkness and runs him over, sending him tumbling into bushes. A man exits the car and looks on before returning to the car, assuming the young boy dead.

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Red Hook

Red Hook
Ten years after witnessing her older sisters brutal murder, Jenny Traylor leaves her hometown in North Carolina to start her freshman year at the University of New York City. Still traumatized by her sisters death and struggling with crippling agoraphobia, Jenny tries to cope with the overwhelming city and figure out her new life. When Jennys over-enthusiastic Resident Advisor organizes a Welcome Week scavenger hunt, Jenny is reluctantly persuaded to join the game. But as she and her new friends decipher the cryptic clues texted to their cell phones - clues that lead them through darker and increasingly remote parts of the city - it becomes terrifyingly clear how high the stakes have become. Someone is hunting for real.

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Antonia aka Antonia's Line

Antonia aka Antonia's Line
In an anonymous Dutch village, a sturdy, strong-willed matriarch looks back upon her life, the generations of family and friends gathered around her table, and ponders the cyclical nature of time.

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Blood, Guts, Bullets and Octane

Blood, Guts, Bullets and Octane
Slick-talking Bob and Sid run a bankrupt used-car lot. They used to work for Danny Woo, whose lot next door is the most successful one in Needles. Dannys still their friend, and what with his sick wife, Bob and Sid agree to cover for him during an IRS investigation into his finances. Meanwhile, a series of murders and an FBI investigation focus on a Pontiac convertible with a mysterious cargo originating in the Andes. Bob and Sids shady supplier offers them 250,000 to stash the car on their lot for a couple days Bobs reluctant, but Sid sees this as their ticket out. They say yes, then try to run a double cross on the Pontiacs mysterious and ruthless owner.

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