Gulliver's Travels

Gulliver's Travels
You have not lived until you’ve watched people get peed on in 3D. I certainly never thought I’d live see it, least of all in a PG movie, but thanks to Rob Letterman’s execrable Gulliver’s Travels, the latest installment in Hollywood’s ongoing “Gang-Raping the Classics” series, I can now cross it off my bucket list. Merry Christmas to me.

The scene in question occurs in the film when Jack Black's title character is confronted with a raging fire in the tiny town of Lilliput which threatens to consume its castle and much of its miniature citizenry. Being Jack Black, he improvises the only solution we can expect from a character played by Jack Black: He drops trou and unleashes the contents of his own firehose, thus extinguishing the fire and becoming a hero to the Lilliputians, who appear far too pleased to be doused in urine. They're downright giddy, in fact. It’s by far the film’s most memorable scene (indeed, I fear it is permanently etched on my brain), and it’s cause to wonder: Since when are golden showers considered PG-appropriate? Has the MPAA been suddenly overrun by creepy sex fetishists and water sports fanatics? If so, perhaps the producers of Caligula might with to have their film re-evaluated.

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Autumn

Autumn
Beautiful autumn colors lull you into serene surroundings as Autumn begins. The beautiful red leaves fall as the movie opens, but don’t let the gorgeous landscape fool you. Something has happened during the season of bright colors and festive beginnings. Autumn has brought a nasty virus to the world that picked off almost everybody, leaving very few survivors. Before long, the amount of dead far surpasses the living.

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The Wind That Shakes the Barley

The Wind That Shakes the Barley
"In every generation the Irish people have asserted their right to national freedom and sovereignty; six times during the past 300 years, they have asserted it in arms." -- Proclamation of the Irish Republic (1916)

It begins in the chaos of combat, men and boys wielding their weapons on the battlefield, shouting and cursing and fighting. Sure, it's only an amateur hurling match, an Irish game similar to field hockey, and the weapons are bladed wooden sticks.

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Confetti

Confetti
Confetti is an excellent study of what happens when someone botches Christopher Guest's mockumentary format. A supposed satire of extravagant weddings and reality shows, Debbie Isitt's feature displays little in the way of wit or insight. It's long and tedious, and amusing only on rare, widely spaced occasions. Unlike Guest's films, which show affection for the people being mocked, Isitt treats her cast of mostly unlikable characters with contempt, then attempts to redeem them

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City of Angels

City of Angels
As the world hurtles towards the end of the second millennium, there seems to be an increased awareness of mysticism and things spiritual. Suddenly, it's hip to believe in God (not necessarily a specific god -- an amorphous, non-denominational deity will do), an afterlife, and, of course, angels. The entertainment industry, never one to be left out on any trend, has thrown itself headlong into this one. On TV, the cloying "Touched by an Angel" is a hit -- a mainstay of many people's Sunday night viewing plans. And the movies have jumped on the bandwagon, too, giving us enough celestial beings in the last few years to crowd the head of a pin -- Michael, The Preacher's Wife, Wide Awake, and now City of Angels. Add films that feature Satan and his minions or less well-defined issues of mortality, and this list of titles explodes.

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Ablaze

Ablaze
Far from of delivering three-alarm fire action, this smoke-filled disaster movie barely smolders. When fire captain Jack Thomas (John Bradley) isn't hunting for arsonists with police detective Al Denning (Ice T), he's shepherding his crew through assorted emergencies. Jack is on the outs with his brother, fire inspector Andrew

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Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

Even Cowgirls Get the Blues
Writer/director Gus Van Sant's early bid for big-time commercial success -- a success he didn't manage to achieve until Good Will Hunting -- is based on Tom Robbins' 1976 feminist bestseller. Uma Thurman plays Sissy Hankshaw, a woman born with very large thumbs. After her parents (Grace Zabriskie and Ken Kesey) take her to a doctor (Buck Henry), who offers her parents no remedy for their daughter's condition, the film races ahead to the 1970s.

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The Brøken

The Brøken
Gina McVey is a radiologist who is enjoying dinner one evening with her family and her boyfriend Stefan when a mirror shatters for no apparent reason. After a few moments, no one thinks much of it, but the next day Gina is leaving work and she sees something even more troubling—a woman who looks just like her, driving a car identical to her own. Curious, Gina sneaks into the doppelganger's apartment and sees a photo of herself and her father in the hallway. Seriously rattled, Gina runs out and drives away, only to get in an accident that lands her in the hospital. After she's released, Gina asks Stefan if she can stay with him, but while he looks the same, his personality and behavior are quite different from the way she remembers him, and she begins having vivid nightmares, which become all the more terrifying when the same horrific images begin popping up in her waking hours.

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Just Business

Just Business
Elizar Perla is a recently retired cat burglar who has succumbed to the temptation of one final score. The target is David Gray, famous for his collection of art and other rarities. Soon after the job, Elizar disappears, leaving his daughter Marty (Gina Gershon) distraught. Desperate, Gray approaches Marty suggesting that her father will turn up as soon as the stolen artwork is recovered. She begrudgingly accepts the offer to help him locate the art, but all is not as it seems, as the rarest of stolen pieces has value beyond ordinary currency.

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Opportunity Knocks

Opportunity Knocks
Eddie and Lou are a couple of two-bit con men on the lam from a loan shark. They hide out in someones house and they hear on the answering machine that (A) the owner of the house is out of the country for a month or two and (B) the housesitter supposed to watch the house for the absent owner wont be able to watch the house due to a new job in another part of the country. This provides for a pretty nifty arrangement for Eddie and Lou...until the relatives of the house owner drop by to visit. Eddie quickly adopts the guise of the person supposedly housesitting for the owner, and the shenanigans start from there.

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Cry Freedom

Cry Freedom
Donald Woods is chief editor at the liberal newspaper Daily Dispatch in South Africa. He has written several editorials critical of the views of Steve Biko. But after having met him for the first time, he changes his views. They meet several times, and this means that Woods and his family get attention from the security police. When Steve Biko dies in police custody, he writes a book about Biko. The only way to get it published is for Woods himself to illegally escape the country.

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Desert Saints

Desert Saints
The nature of temptation. Banks is a hit man, the best, usually working for Latin American drug cartels. He picks up solitary women, uses them briefly for a job, then kills them. Hes in the Southwest, headed toward Mexico, when he picks up Bennie, a woman leaving an abusive marriage, going to Paradise, Arizona. The film follows three tracks Bankss slow recruitment of Bennie, the set-up for the hit at a swank resort in Mexico, and the FBIs close pursuit of Banks, whom they want alive in hopes hell rat out his bosses. Bennie may not be who she seems, and there may be a chink in Bankss tough-guy armor. Guns, money, and a chance at Paradise...

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Juncture

Juncture
Juncture is the exciting first motion picture in the Anna Carter trilogy - the gripping story of an ordinary woman turned vigilante. A controversial fast-paced action thriller that casts a harsh light on the darkness, perversion and greed that lurks just beneath the surface of today society Anna Carter is on a mission. And only death will stop her.

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Left Behind III: World at War

Left Behind III: World at War
Its been eighteen months since Nicolae Carpathias rise to power, and has been captivating the whole world, including President Fitzhugh. There are some far away, who suspect hes something more, the prophesied Antichrist. After a failed attempt on the Presidents life, Fitzhugh must call on Buck and Carolyn Miller to uncover the mystery. Meanwhile, the rest of the Trib Force group Rayford Steele, daughter (and now Bucks wife) Chloe, Pastor Bruce Barnes and the newest member Amanda White to uncover the mystery. Soon the lives of President Fitzhugh and the Tribulation Force will be connected in ways they couldnt have imagined.

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Man of the West

Man of the West
On his way to hire a schoolteacher, a homesteader is left a hundred miles from anywhere when the train he is on is robbed. With him are an attractive dancehall girl and an untrustworthy gambler and he decides to get shelter nearby from outlaw relatives he used to run with. They dont trust him and he loathes them but they decide he can help them with one last bank job.

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My Last Five Girlfriends

My Last Five Girlfriends
A clever adaptation of international bestseller On Love, by Alain de Botton, in which Duncan is a young man determined to find the secret to a healthy, strong relationship. Along the way, he mines his last five doomed romances for clues.

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