The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Saying that the third film in a series with two pretty weak prior entries is the best of the bunch may be faint praise, but that happens to be the case with Eclipse. Not as stiff as Twilight and not as dour as New Moon, Eclipse actually has some gripping moments in between all the staring and caring. That said, if you're already turned off by the idea of sparkly vampires without fangs and young men wandering around sans shirts for no apparent reason, there's nothing in here that's going to change your mind.

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The Hangover

The Hangover
Almost more than any other genre, comedy is virtually critic-proof, completely and utterly subjective in the face of your own sense of humor. Nine times out of ten, a black cat leaping out of an alley will scare most people. More often than not, a weepy scene between loved ones parted by either distance or death will elicit an audience's sympathy. But when it comes to comedy, unless there's simply nothing of good, old-fashioned, laugh-out-loud value, anything beyond a guy slipping on a banana peel or taking a shot to the nuts – which are universally funny – is ultimately at the mercy of taste. And so, it turns out, the absence of funny can be measured; the presence of funny is entirely up to you.

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Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th
They nearly did it. The first 20-25 minutes of the new Friday the 13th threatened to tear the roof off my lowered expectations for a reboot of a devalued franchise that began nearly 30 years ago. After a tentative flashback, the set-up in the present day was classically simple, the action flared up in mean and bloody outbursts, and Jason's appearance was note-perfect. I was starting to tense up, feeling the weight of gut-level dread in the pit of my stomach.

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Regular Lovers

Regular Lovers
A poem by Regular Lovers’ protagonist François (Louis Garrel) speaks of him wanting to close his eyes to “the terrible roar of nothingness,” an unexpected wish, to say the least, of a young man whole-heartedly taking part in the May ’68 uprising in Paris. But then again, director Philippe Garrel’s recreation of the time period is far from one suffuse with dramatic conventions. Instead, what we see a lot of—almost three hours worth—is quite similar to, though less romanticized than, another movie taking place during the same time period and also starring Louis Garrel, Bernardo Bertolucci’s ineffective The Dreamers. To a degree far more impressionistic and personal, than that film Regular Lovers emphasizes a sort of drugged, unwinding existence for its “revolutionary” young protagonists. After they abandon the barricades and street protests of May the youths lop around the mansion of a friend of theirs who, lucky for them, at a very young age inherited a fortune when his wealthy father died. There, they smoke pot and opium, cheat on their significant others with a lazy attempt at slyness, occasionally bring up some of the ideology of the revolution, which either sounds pat or is ridiculed in such an atmosphere, and generally seem to exist pleasurably but fruitlessly in this “nothingness” that our poet protagonist spoke of.

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Blood Monkey

Blood Monkey
Part of the "Maneater Film Series," Blood Monkey is a terrifying thriller that follows six American grad students stranded in a jungle and left as prey to a remote tribe of killer chimpanzees. When Dani, Amy, Greg, Sydney, Josh, and Seth arrive in Africa to study apes, they are quickly assured by renowned Professor Hamilton (Oscar winner F. Murray Abraham, Amadeus) that this is a one-of-a-kind opportunity to witness a new species.

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Made of Honor

Made of Honor
In this year’s summer preview edition of Entertainment Weekly, Made of Honor producer Neal Moritz all but admits his movie is little more than a rehash of other successful romantic comedies. He says, “we couldn’t do My Best Friend’s Wedding again, but we could do the reverse of it.” Unfortunately, they haven’t even done that much to differentiate it from the dozens of other similar movies we’ve all seen. Sure they’ve cast a guy in the role Julia Roberts played back in 1997, but he’s barely a guy, and at times the script treats him as if he’s a woman. Meanwhile it’s 2008 and Made of Honor feels like it’s still stuck there, back in good old 1997.

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Far From Heaven

Far From Heaven
Welcome to the world of "Father Knows Best", white picket fences, and brilliant fall colors. Todd Haynes' Far From Heaven takes us to Hartford, Connecticut, circa 1957. However, unlike most traditional period piece dramas, the intention here isn't just to replicate an American community as it was a half-century ago, but to emulate that community as it would have been portrayed in a movie of the era. One of Haynes' goals in crafting Far From Heaven is to emulate the so-called "women's films" of Douglas Sirk. In terms of style, visual approach, and general thematic content, Haynes has come as close as it's possible to in re-creating a '50s domestic melodrama for '00s consumption.

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License to Wed

License to Wed
No matter how hard I try, I'm finding it difficult to write anything positive about License to Wed. This movie is bad from top to bottom, front to back, and start to finish. Many romantic comedies sacrifice humor in favor of romance; this one isn't romantic either. If this was the debut outing for Robin Williams or Mandy Moore, neither would get another job. Williams is as unfunny as he has ever been and Moore shows no evidence of charisma or charm. At least License to Wed wasn't so godawful that I wanted to drive a spike through my head to make the pain stop, and when it was all over, I didn't run gibbering up the aisle in a frantic break for the exit.

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Princess Mononoke

Princess Mononoke
For many years, Walt Disney and his army of crack artists dominated the world market for feature-length animation, bringing forth unforgettable classics like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Sleeping Beauty, and Pinocchio. Even today, many North Americans are oblivious to the existence of an animated product beyond that of Disney and its competitors' clones (Fox's Anastasia, Dreamworks' The Prince of Egypt). But there is one out there, and it's a force that gains strength and momentum every day with each new release. Anime, or Japanese animation, still occupies a cult niche in the United States, but its fans are passionate and hungry for new titles (note the ever-growing anime sections in stores that sell movies). Now, with the arrival of Princess Mononoke on multiplex screens, Japanese animation is getting its first full-scale theatrical launch. It remains to be seen whether the epic fantasy storyline will attract enough of an audience for this to be considered a breakthrough, or whether the film will quickly disappear from sight (like another of 1999's best animated offerings, The Iron Giant).

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Black Sheep

Black Sheep
A young Henry Oldfield (Nick Fenton) lives on a sheep farm in New Zealand, with his father and older brother, Angus. After witnessing his father's pride in Henry's natural ability at farming, Angus plays a cruel prank on him involving the bloody corpse of his pet sheep, just moments before Mrs. Mac, the farm's housekeeper, comes to tell the boys that their father has been killed in an accident. The combined shock of these two incidents leads Henry to develop a crippling phobia of sheep.

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The Count of Monte Cristo

The Count of Monte Cristo
Edmond Dantès (James Caviezel) and his friend, Fernand Mondego (Guy Pearce), officers of a French trading ship, head to Elba seeking medical attention for their captain. Dantès and Mondego are chased by English Dragoons who believe they are spies for the exiled Napoleon Bonaparte (Alex Norton). The Emperor arrives and declares they are not his agents, and asks Dantès to give a letter to a friend in France. When the captain dies that night, they are sent on their way. At Marseilles, Dantès is reprimanded by the ship's first mate, Danglars (Albie Woodington) for disobeying orders. However, the shipping company's boss, Morrell (Patrick Godfrey), commends Dantès' bravery, promoting him over Danglars. Mondego intercepts Dantès' fiancée Mercédès (Dagmara Dominczyk) and unsuccessfully tries to seduce her. When he hears of Dantès' promotion, Mondego realizes that Dantès will be able to marry Mercédès sooner than expected.

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The 51st State

The 51st State
The film begins in the year 1971. Elmo McElroy (Samuel L. Jackson), a new college graduate with a degree in pharmacology, is caught smoking marijuana when a patrolman pulls over his car. Because of his arrest and conviction, he is unable to find work as a pharmacologist. The film then fast forwards to the present day as a drug lord called "the Lizard" (Meat Loaf) calls a meeting with his organization, hoping to sell a brand new substance invented by McElroy. The meeting goes awry when McElroy, in a bid to escape from the Lizard's control, blows up the building, killing everyone but the Lizard, who falls through the floor. With revenge on his mind, the Lizard contacts Dakota (Emily Mortimer), a contract killer, who killed the only witness in a case against the Lizard, as depicted in several early scenes in the movie. Dakota initially refuses to chase down and kill McElroy, but when the Lizard offers to clear her gambling debts and give her a $250,000 bonus to complete the hit, Dakota takes the job.

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Julie and Jack

Julie and Jack
Jack Livingston is looking for true love. He is a successful computer chip salesman for STELLAchip Corporation in high-tech Silicon Valley. With a suggestion from his best friend, Mark Stevens, he reluctantly subscribes to an Internet dating service, CupidMatchmaker.net where he meets Julie Romanov, a beautiful genius computer software developer. Jack falls madly in love with Julie. Julie and Jack begin an intense and passionate affair. With Julie, Jack has found his soulmate. And love is forever. But this seemingly perfect love is more than he had visioned. And so Jacks love for Julie is put to the ultimate test!

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Nearing Grace

Nearing Grace
A coming-of-age independent feature film set in late 1970s, Nearing Grace follows high school senior Henry Nearing (Gregory Smith). Nearing has to cope with the death of his mother, and is also forced to come to terms with evolving from a self-absorbed and confused adolescent to accepting the responsibilities of early adulthood. Unfortunately his father, Shep (David Morse), and his older brother, Blair (David Moscow), don’t offer any kind of guidance, and find themselves detaching at the seams. His father quits his teaching job, buys a motorcycle, and becomes a perpetual drunk, while his brother takes off to live as a transient doper. To make things even more complicated, Henry has two young women on his mind: the sexy, wealthy, and very popular Grace (Jordana Brewster) and childhood friend Merna (Ashley Johnson)—one drives him crazy, the other keeps him sane.

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Elmo's Potty Time

Elmo's Potty Time
Join Elmo as he reminisces about his potty training journey and guides viewers as they embark on theirs. Elmo and his Sesame friends give helpful, confidence-building tips and encourage kids to listen to their bodies. Dance, sing and laugh along as kids learn healthy habits that will last a lifetime.

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Gnaw
Six friends holiday in the heart of the English countryside. The holiday turns into a culinary nightmare when they discover that their hosts are a sadistic family of cannibals set on turning their guests into their next meal!

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