Ninja Assassin

Ninja Assassin
If nothing else, Ninja Assassin is true to its title. There are ninjas, and yes, they assassinate the hell out of people. And if that's all that you're looking for in this stylized action flick, then certainly the film will deliver on the promise of its title. But if you're looking for anything resembling an actual movie -- with a story, a plot, performances, nuance, etc. -- you'll likely find yourself at least mildly disappointed once the blood begins to dry.

The film opens with a bang, kicking off in a Yakuza nightclub where an envelope containing only black sand is delivered to the gangster in charge. After a long monologue by an old tattoo artist about the violence that erupted the last time he saw such an envelope, the ninja strikes, emerging from the shadows to slice and dice his way through an army of gun-shooting henchmen. There is, of course, much beheading and vivisecting and fake CGI blood, and at least in this opening sequence -- as over-acted as it all may be -- there's a fair amount of martial arts awesomeness, as well. It's only in the next sequence, when this over-long action set piece attempts to be an actual movie, that things go so horribly awry.

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I Love You, Man

I Love You, Man
Remember when Paul Rudd was more of a dramatic actor? When he went by Paul Stephen Rudd and took on projects like The Great Gatsby and The Cider House Rules. Heck, he was even in a Halloween movie (the sixth one)! That was weird, and it was a trend that certainly didn't indicate that he would eventually find his most success with comedy.

Jason Segel, on the other hand, seems to have had the comedy thing down pat since the beginning, occasional excursions into CSI land notwithstanding. First making his mark as the rock-loving teen Nick Andopolis in Paul Feig and Judd Apatow's Freaks and Geeks, Segel was seemingly always destined for the witty greatness that he has achieved in recent years.

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How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People is an uneasy marriage of satire and romantic comedy. The film's inability to decide whether it wants to be sweet and life-affirming or vicious and nasty creates not only a disconnect on the story level but results in tonal shifts that are dizzying. By trying to obey two masters, How to Lose Friends ends up serving neither with enough faithfulness to earn it a recommendation as either a parody or a lighthearted love story.

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Everything Is Illuminated

Everything Is Illuminated
I want to give actor-turned-director Liev Schreiber credit for making his behind-the-camera debut a film that means something to him. One can easily see how Everything Is Illuminated could be a deeply personal effort. Unfortunately, the meaning a project has for a director is not always conveyed to an audience. This is one such case. This movie is sloppy and disjointed - an unsatisfying melodrama built upon a shaky foundation of contrivances, coincidences, and plot holes. Although there's an aura of sincerity that keeps the picture from teetering into the "bad" category (it stays rooted in mediocrity), it fails more often than it works, and sitting through the 110-minute running length can be a tedious experience.

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Hole in My Heart

Hole in My Heart
Of all the films I have seen in my life, A Hole in My Heart may have been the most disappointing. This is the fourth film from hot Swedish director Lukas Moodysson. Two of his previous three movies, Show Me Love and Lilya 4-Ever, made my year-end Top 10 lists. So it was with great anticipation that I settled into a seat on the first Friday night of the 2004 Toronto Film Festival to see A Hole in My Heart. 98 minutes later, I felt like I had been dragged through a vat of raw sewage laced with Sominex.

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Army of the Dead

Army of the Dead
Ash (Bruce Campbell) is a housewares salesman at an S-Mart department store before a venture to the house from The Evil Dead and The Evil Dead II sends him through a time tunnel into the Middle Ages. Suddenly, as the "Promised One" of prophesy, he is expected to save the locals from an upsurge in evil.

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Outlander

Outlander
Norway, 709AD. Kainan, a man from beyond the stars, crashlands on Earth and is quickly apprehended by the local Viking tribe. But he is not alone, also onboard his craft is the monstrous Moorwen. In order to defeat it he must convince his captors of its existence before they are slaughtered by the beast. But can he kill it with only Iron Age weapons at his disposal?

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The Man Who Would Be King

The Man Who Would Be King
This adaptation of the famous short story by Rudyard Kipling tells the story of Daniel Dravot and Peachy Carnahan, two ex-soldiers in India when it was under British rule. They decide that the country is too small for them, so they head off to Kafiristan in order to become Kings in their own right. Kipling is seen as a character that was there at the beginning, and at the end of this glorious tale.

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The Fourth Angel

The Fourth Angel

An ordinary man remakes himself into a warrior after the death of his family in this thriller. Jack Elgin (Jeremy Irons) is a magazine editor living in London with his wife and three children. Elgin joins his spouse and his children as they set off for a trip to India, and when the plane lands due to mechanical failures, the flight is hijacked by terrorists from the "August 15th Movement," who insist on 50 million dollars in ransom from the United States government.

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City of Rott

City of Rott
The story begins after the Earth's water supply has been infected by a strange parasite known as Rot Worms. Rot Worm eggs were delivered by rain, and there's no place on the planet that is free from the Rot Worms. Once hatched, they begin feasting on human flesh, turning their hosts into mindless zombies.

The film revolves around Fred, an elderly man with a walker, which he uses as a weapon, and searching for a pair of new shoes. Fred appears to be losing his mind, he believes his walker speaks to him and he constantly sees hallucinations.

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The Chumscrubber

The Chumscrubber
One day in the fictional town Hillside in Southern California, the supplier of prescription medication to the students at the local high school, Troy Johnson (Josh Janowicz), commits suicide. Troy's friend Dean Stiffle (Jamie Bell), who found the body, is prescribed more antidepressants by his father Bill (William Fichtner), a psychiatrist. When Dean returns to school, he is antagonized by drug dealers Billy (Justin Chatwin) and Lee (Lou Taylor Pucci), who were supplied by Troy. Their friend, Crystal Falls (Camilla Belle), flirts with Dean, but he soon realizes that her true intentions are for Dean to retrieve the remaining drugs in Troy's home and give them to her, Billy and Lee, and he refuses to cooperate. To force Dean to procure the drugs, Billy and Lee plan to kidnap Dean's brother, Charlie (Rory Culkin), as a ransom, but they end up kidnapping Charlie Bratley (Thomas Curtis) instead of Charlie Stiffle.

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Frame of Mind

Frame of Mind
New Jersey Detective David Seccas life is changed forever when he discovers a piece of film in an antique box. On the film is a lone man, concealing a rifle, standing on a grassy knoll-the exact knoll President John F. Kennedy passed as he was assassinated. But is the film authentic? Or, is it another hoax surrounding President Kennedys murder? When David seeks help in Professor Steve Lynde, it becomes horrifically clear the photo holds evidence of conspiracy. Now, the two must race to expose the cover-up before theyre eliminated.

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I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
The film's plot is loosely adapted from "The Austin Road Trip Story" in Max's book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Based on Max's real-life experiences, the film follows Max and his friends Drew and Dan to a strip club for Dan's bachelor party, where he ensnares Dan in a lie that threatens his wedding. The ensuing events which include Drew hooking up with Lara, a dancer and single mother, and Max hooking up with a midget stripper, lead to Max abandoning Dan who lands in jail for being drunk and disorderly. After the guys return from their misadventures, it results in Max being banned from the nuptials. Max then attempts to earn Dan's forgiveness.

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Used Cars

Used Cars
Used car salesman Rudy Russo needs money to run for State Senate, so he approaches his boss Luke. Luke agrees to front him the 10,000 he needs, but then encounters an accident orchestrated by his brother Roy, who runs the car lot across the street. Roy is hoping to claim title to his brothers property because Roys paying off the mayor to put the new interstate through the area. After Luke disappears, its all out war between the competing car shops, and no nasty trick is off limits as Rudy and his gang fight to keep Roy from taking Lukes property. Then Lukes daughter shows up.

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Mean Girls 2

Mean Girls 2
When films are released as straight-to-video, expectations aregenerally lowered. This becomes very difficult when the film isreleased as a sequel to a film that was already incredibly popularyears ago. This is the case with Mean Girls 2, the follow-up to2004s Mean Girls.

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My Fake Fiance

My Fake Fiance
Jennifer and Vince, virtual strangers, find themselves strapped for cash and decide to stage a fake engagement and wedding just for the gifts.

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