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I Love You Too

I Love You Too
If you're 33 years old, drive a miniature train for a living and eke out an existence in a granny flat with your improbably gorgeous girlfriend from the UK, logic might dictate that you're already living behind the relationship 8-ball. As such, it's really not a grand idea to date said-girl for three-and-a-half years and never tell her you love her. Frankly, it makes you look like an emotionally-stunted schmuck - and if she leaves you (and she should), you can't ponder the whys and wherefores.

And so it goes in 'I Love You Too' Ė the filmic product of TV presenter and comedian Peter Helliar ('Rove Live'), starring opposite acclaimed Australian actor Brendan Cowell ('Noise', 'Beneath Hill 60') and supported by a strong Australian and international cast, including the diminutive but captivating Peter Dinklage, model Megan Gale and TV's 'Chuck' star Yvonne Strahovski.

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Giallo

Giallo
Dario Argentoís newest film, the aptly named Giallo, isnít the saving grace his fans are expecting, yet it isnít the abomination his fans were expecting. If anything, itís a much stronger film than his recent films, in terms of plotting, but as a giallo film it doesnít offer up much new from a genre fans have grown accustomed too after 35 years. So? Fans have been really critical of Argento in the recent later stage of his career, more so than they have against Romero and even Carpenter. Immediately, they shrug off a new film, proclaiming itíll be no classic like Deep Red or Suspiria. But does a new Argento film need to be a classic each and every time? Have horror fans become that short-tempered and spoiled? I think so.

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The Strangers

The Strangers
It is not immediately obvious why The Strangers is rated R. The horror film, about a young couple (Scott Speedman and Liv Tyler) terrorized in their home by a group of sadistic masked assailants, is reasonably violent, but not very graphic: aside from a brief glimpse of a pretty nasty gunshot wound and some stabbings that are either obscured or off-screen, there's not much here that would ordinarily raise rating board eyebrows. (The elaboration states that The Strangers is rated R for language in addition to violence, but there are, at the most, one or two muttered F-bombs.) In terms of content, PG-13 films have gotten away with worse. Hell, the PG-rated Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian featured a decapitation, which is more than we see here. What, then, explains the MPAA's harsh (and no doubt economically damaging) treatment of The Strangers?

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Anaconda 4. Trail of Blood

Anaconda 4. Trail of Blood
I am missing a snake. How did Anaconda 3 slither by me, unnoticed? To my mild surprise, I got a DVD in the post the other day for Anaconda 4. I watched it, and it was bad.
At the beginning of the movie we encounter an adolescent anaconda, which I reckon was captured at the end of Anaconda 3: Offspring, and who is now being used for experiments by a mild-mannered mad scientist. The baby reptile takes exception, and wreaks havoc in the Borneo-based lab before escaping, super-sizing, replicating and heading for civilization. Or are they in Romania? Oh, wellÖ who cares? It's basically two giant, bloodthirsty snakes for the price of one, so I didn't ask any questions.

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Alien vs. Ninja

Alien vs. Ninja
Once upon a time in Japan, there was a band of great Iga Ninja warriors. One day, they witnessed a strange flash in the sky, followed by a roaring giant fireball crashing into the distant forest.

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Nacho Libre

Nacho Libre
When a movie tries to be intentionally campy, it follows a difficult road. Most films that attempt this fail because the artifice of the situation drains the humor from it. Genuine camp is the child of earnestness and ineptitude, and is only found in features that the director intends to be taken seriously. That's not to say it can't be manufactured as a means of parody, but such an act requires a deftness of touch that, at least in this case, escapes director Jared Hess. After a promising beginning, Nacho Libre goes off the rails with its over-the-top satire and intentional campiness failing to generate many laughs. The film starts out funny, but it doesn't take long for it to become tedious.

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Square Grouper

Square Grouper
So much pot is con sumed in Billy Corben's "Square Grouper," an absorbing and troubling documentary about marijuana smuggling in Florida in the 1970s and '80s, that you could get a contact high just watching it.

The film, which takes its name from the bales of marijuana tossed overboard by smugglers while being chased by the cops, follows three sets of people:

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Number 23

Number 23
Since this is a thriller, there must be a twist. One goes into a movie like The Number 23 with this expectation. However, not only is the twist telegraphed early but it is presented in a clumsy and unconvincing manner. Other films have employed a similar plot device to good effect. (I will refrain from naming titles since that would constitute unnecessary spoilerage.) The Number 23 shows how not to do it. The film has a few things going for it. Matthew Libatique's cinematography is evocative and there are isolated individual scenes that work when dissociated from the movie as a whole. But as a cohesive piece of entertainment, The Number 23 is largely a failure.

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High Fidelity

High Fidelity
Even in his early roles, like a supporting part in John Hughes' Sixteen Candles and the male lead in Rob Reiner's delightful The Sure Thing, there was something idiosyncratic about John Cusack's work. Recently, however, this quality has become more pronounced, with eccentric interpretations of characters in Grosse Pointe Blank, This Is My Father (a memorable cameo), Pushing Tin, and Being John Malkovich. One of the things that makes Cusack interesting is that his characters always seem to have overdosed on caffeine. Rob Gordon, the protagonist of High Fidelity, is no exception. If there's such a thing as a prototypical "Cusack character", Rob fits the mold.

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Omen
The Omen is regarded as a horror classic, although I have never been able to figure out why Richard Donner's second-rate exploitation flick has been accorded such a lofty status. Since the 2006 re-make is almost identical to its predecessor (even using essentially the same script), there's no reason to expect me to think more highly of this film. To the extent that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, the crew behind the original might be expected to blush. From my perspective, however, the only reason to embark upon a re-make is to offer a new, unique, or interesting perspective. All that The Omen succeeds at is proving that director John Moore could have a nice alternative career working for Xerox.

The first version of The Omen came out in 1976, during a time when apocalyptic beliefs and scenarios were the rage. The idea that we might be in a Biblical "end

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King of New York

King of New York
King of New York is like a breath of fresh air in the crime genre . It is explosive, stylish, and very thrilling . It plays around with the character roles and doesn't live up to conventions, like the good guys aren't entirely good and bad guys aren't entirely bad.

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Beyond Justice

Beyond Justice
A womans ex-husband, who is the son of an Arab chieftain, kidnaps their teenage son and brings him back to Morocco, where the boy is to be made the leader of the tribe. The childs mother hires a mercenary to get her son and bring him back to her.

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Closed for the Season

Closed for the Season
Trapped in a forgotten amusement park, a young woman (Kristy) finds herself terrorized by the living memories of the park. She must break free from the parks grasp before she becomes its next victim.

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Kung Fu Flid

Kung Fu Flid
Jimmy Loveit, born with shortened arms due to thalidomide, is a talented kick boxer despite his handicap. Ably coached by Ron, Jimmy is a formidable opponent for anyone in the ring. One night, whilst snuggling up with his wife and daughter, their apartment is attacked by two gangsters whove mistaken their flat for someone elses. With his wife injured and his daughter missing, Jimmy starts a one-man war against the crime boss who sent the hit men

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Lynch Mob

Lynch Mob
The rural town of Leesburg Georgia holds a dark secret. A century old curse has condemned the citizens to a diet of human flesh. Unable to leave the city limits the town folks must lure unsuspecting travelers to their quaint town where they soon become the menu item of choice. Problems arise when the Federal Government releases a street savvy criminal into their community under the witness relocation program.

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Little Black Book

Little Black Book
Stacy Holt, an associate producer for a daytime talk show, is confounded by her boyfriend Dereks unwillingness to talk about his previous relationships. Egged on by her co-worker Barb, Stacy sneaks a look at his personal digital organizer, scores the names and numbers of his exes, and sets up interviews with them--all in an effort to get closer to her man. Her plan starts to unravel, however, when she becomes friends with one of the women.

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