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Imagine yourself on a darkened stage, standing in the center of a bright, blinding spotlight. Before you, only vaguely discernible against the shadows, is an audience waiting anxiously for you to begin. Now tell them your story. And make it good.
Bronson focuses on England's most notorious inmate, Michael Peterson, who's life behind bars – split largely between loony bins and solitary confinement – lead to the creation of Peterson's alter-ego, Charles Bronson. Much of the film takes place inside Peterson's mind as he, via Bronson, addresses one such imaginary theatre full of eager listeners who applaud enthusiastically his strange and violent tale. Bronson is, after all, a character piece, through and through, with relatively little story to tell aside from Peterson's pathological need for attention and recognition. The brutal beatings, prison riots and failed attempts at a normal life that find him weaving in and out of jail are only ever the external stage for the life that Peterson lives in his mind.
Big Momma's House 2
Martin Lawrence once made a movie entitled What’s The Worst Thing That Could Happen? These days that’s the question on the tip of my brain every time I walk into one of his movies, and I’m always surprised at the answer. Just once I wish the surprise would be a pleasant one.
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War of the worlds
There's a longstanding movie riddle that asks the following question: Is it better to have a mediocre director and a great screenplay, or a great director and a mediocre screenplay? War of the Worlds, Steven Spielberg's entry into the 2005 summer box office derby, can be used as an argument for the latter scenario. To call the script (credited to Josh Friedman and David Koepp) "flawed" might be charitable. The original novel, penned in 1898 by H.G. Wells, seems almost quant by today's standards. Although the changes employed by Friedman and Koepp to modernize the story are adequate in displacing many of the book's events to a contemporary time frame, they result in a tale that is rife with logical errors. War of the Worlds is not watertight; in fact, it leaks like a sieve. But, with Spielberg at the helm, we hardly notice the chop in the water as we're taken on a smooth and somewhat breathless ride.
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Ruslan. Driven to Kill
Sadly, Steven Seagal is not really driven anywhere in Driven to Kill. The man is getting older, fatter (well, not that much fatter), and I thought this might be a geriatric revenge film on par with Death Wish 3. I wish someone had to drive him someplace so he could go kill someone, but the title is misleading on that front.
Steven Seagal. Direct to video. What do you need to know? You need to know that this is a fairly efficient and brutal action movie that manages to make the most of Seagal. There’s not much else to look for in this movie, though he does have an effective antagonist in Igor Jijikine, who is best known for being eaten by ants in Indiana Jones and the Terrible Movie. Seagal plays a father with mod ties who comes home for his daughter and he upcoming marriage. But his ex-wife (who he’d still fuck) gets murdered and his daughter ends up in a coma. Bad move, bad guys.
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Bonnie & Clyde vs. Dracula
Bonnie and Clyde vs. Dracula is less a throwback to good old AIP drive-in flicks from the 60s than it is a throwback to straight-to-video Troma films of the 90s. I know that probably sounds like good news for you Troma junkes looking to view a micro-budget indie that re-captures the glorious goofiness of something like Redneck Zombies, but unfortunately B and C vs. D doesn't have the same reckless abandon as those early underground movies and fails to push the envelope, winding up a somewhat fun, but mostly dull, film that doesn't really deliver on its tantalizing premise of, well, Bonnie and Clyde vs. Dracula for one.
That's not to say there's not some talent at work here. For one, we've got Tiffany Shepis playing Bonnie. Shepis is considered a bit of a goddess among modern B-movie fans having started out in Troma flicks like Tromeo and Juliet. She's since laterally moved herself to somewhat more interesting yet similar genre stuff like Halo 8's Godkiller series and the recent The Violent Kind. She brings a certain bravado to her role as a girl who relishes her sexual power of Clyde and enjoys a good kill. She basically owns the entire film (you can really tell that writer/director Timothy Friend had the most fun writing this character).
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Once, in seemingly another lifetime, the name "Clint Eastwood" was synonymous with Spaghetti Westerns and the Man With No Name. In the '70s and '80s, he was Dirty Harry, the tough cop with a quotable one-liner for seemingly any situation. More recently, Eastwood has softened his image and turned into a one-man movie crew, often producing, directing, and starring in his own films. For the most part, we have come to expect a fairly high level of quality from Eastwood, whether he's an investigative reporter or a space cowboy. Eastwood's latest, an adaptation of Michael Connelly's Blood Work, is a major misstep and a disappointment of significant proportions. It may not be a failure for Eastwood the actor, but it's a big one for Eastwood the director.
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It would be unfair and inaccurate to refer to Bee Season as "another dysfunctional family drama," although, in essence, that's what it is. Adapting from Myla Goldberg's novel, co-directors Scott McGehee and David Siegel (The Deep End) have fashioned a film that traverses an unusual path through the minefield of a splintering family. In addition to spelling bees (which the title alludes to), Bee Season explores Jewish mysticism, mental illness, and the Hare Krishna religion (which may be making its first screen appearance since Airplane!). In the end, it all seems too much for one small movie to contain. Parts of Bee Season work better than others, but I left the theater feeling more like I had watched the outline of a movie than been immersed in a fully realized motion picture.
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“Black Bread” starts of with a scene of such stunning violence—without giving too much away, it involves a sledgehammer and a horse, among a slew of other very nasty things—that it casts a shadow over the rest of the movie. Set in post-Spanish Civil War Catalonia, the film creates an atmosphere where the potential for death and hostility to erupt exists around every corner, in every situation. From the outset you learn that no place is safe; not the family hearth, government offices, and certainly not the multitude of caves, woods, and fields where the 11-year-old Andreu (Francesc Colomer) grows up.
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The desire for familiarity in movies can lead to sequels and re-makes, but that doesn't always have to be the case. It can also mean the use of storyline everyone sitting in the theater knows. A Good Year is a respectable retelling of the "back to nature" narrative, in which a selfish individual becomes seduced and saved by a pastoral setting and a pretty woman who lives there. Sound familiar? Although there's nothing surprising in Ridley Scott's version, gorgeous photography and strong acting keep the formula from becoming stale. For those who don't mind pictures that fall into predictable rhythms, A Good Year represents a pleasant diversion.
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Feast II: Sloppy Seconds
The film opens with brief clips from the previous installment which the survivors Bozo, Hot Wheels, and Tuffy/Heroine 2 driving off into the sunrise.
As the movie begins, Biker Queen discover the severed arm of Harley Mom from the previous film. Upon discovering the surviving Bartender, she tortures him into telling her who killed Harley Mom. He reveals that it was Bozo and points her to a town where he lives. She knocks Bartender out and takes him with her to the town.
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Child's Play 5: Seed of Chucky
Six years following the events of Child's Play 3 and Bride of Chucky, the film opens with Glen (Billy Boyd), the apparent "son" of Chucky and Tiffany; born at the expense of his estranged mother Tiffany dying immediately after he was born (this is shown at the end of Bride of Chucky) and living a life of embarrassment and abuse as a ventriloquist's dummy who shortly said he found him long ago in the cemetery of where Glen's mother died. Desperate to know his parents (after seeing behind the scenes footage of the Child's Play movie-within-a-movie on TV), Glen escapes and tracks them down to Hollywood.
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Second-term Democratic U.S. President Jackson Evans (Jeff Bridges) must select a new vice president following the sudden death of the current VP. The obvious choice seems to be Virginian Governor Jack Hathaway (William Petersen), who is hailed as a hero after he recently dove into a lake in a failed attempt to save a drowning girl. The president opts not to choose Hathaway, claiming that the administration cannot afford another Chappaquiddick.
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Heart Like a Wheel
Shirley Muldowney is determined to be a top-fuel drag racer, although no woman has ever raced them before. Despite the high risks of this kind of racing and the burden it places on her family life, she perseveres in her dream.
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The story of a group of young Australian men who leave their various backgrounds behind and sign up to join the ANZACs in World War I. They are sent to Gallipoli, where they encounter the might of the Turkish army.
Victor Harris is a spoiled playboy who can only feel when hes brutalizing others. Victors wife, Elizabeth, thinks hes a monster, but cant divorce him. Roman, Victors lawyer, plots the perfect solution - poison Victor and blame his death on drugs. Unfortunately, the poison fails and and only places Victor in a death-like coma. He can see , hear and feel everything but cant move - even during his autopsy. Its enough to drive him insane and out of his coma. When Victor escapes his grave he traps Elizabeth and Roman in his mansions secret chamber so he can exact his tortuous revenge.
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National Lampoon's Dirty
An outrageous cut-rate producer, Charlie LaRue (Christopher Meloni) is about to fulfill his lifelong dream to make a movie about the most offensive, dirtiest jokes ever told. As Charlie and his filmmaking team hilariously struggle to write a script and assemble their award-winning cast, the movie-within-a-movie emerges with one dirty joke after another. Only one can take the crown for writing the dirtiest joke ever told and Charlie will do whatever he can to be that king.
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