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Wrong Turn at Tahoe
Wrong Turn at Tahoe is a fairly dull action film swayed in all directions by the winds of expectation. The movie stars Oscar-winner Cuba Gooding, Jr., once a marquee name but long since relegated to Blockbuster premieres in action movies (for whatever reason), and it's a direct-to-video release, a factor that causes people's hopes to dry up extra quickly. Anyone who reads my reviews frequently will probably have noticed that I'm a lenient guy. First and foremost, I watch movies to be entertained, and my willingness to be entertained is pretty high; I've seen hundreds of movies that weren't very good, but managed to squeak by thanks to one or two elements that I enjoyed even while everything else around it falls as flat as a board. For better or worse, I am also strongly swayed by the expectations that I bring to the movie, and watching Wrong Turn at Tahoe, I began to wonder: what do viewers actually expect out of a direct-to-video film?
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Red White & Blue
In Austin Texas, the lives of three young people Erica, Franki and Nate intertwine in a fateful, tragic way and head down a rocky and violent road to heart-rending oblivion. Erica (Amanda Fuller) lives rent-free in the local co-op, but spends her nights trawling the bars and beds of Austin. Damaged, emotionally withdrawn, never really connecting with anyone, and sleeping with multiple men is just what she does until she meets the older and mysterious Nate (Noah Taylor), working in a hardware store, but with an honorable discharge from Iraq.
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Man of the House
The men in black at Columbia Pictures made the right decision when they elected not to screen Man of the House for critics. The film fails in so many ways that it's impossible to imagine it getting more than a handful of positive reviews; all but the most fawning quote whores might consider withholding praise. The movie is an "action comedy" in name only - there's nothing in Man of the House that could be considered funny or exciting. 90 minutes with a few routine chase sequences but without a single laugh represents a poor way to spend a looooooong evening.
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Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life
Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life arrives stillborn, the misbegotten offspring of filmmakers who are so greedy that they probably wouldn't hesitate to plunder a grave or two. I would be tempted to recommend this movie as being entertainment of the "so bad you won't believe your eyes" variety if it wasn't so deadly boring. As impressive as Angelina Jolie's many physical feats may be, it takes even more stamina and fortitude to stay awake during the movie's seemingly endless two-hour running length.
Once more, I feel I must make this plea: please do not throw things at the projectionist or attempt to kill the ushers. All ire should be directed at the men and women at Paramount Pictures.
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Welcome to Massachusetts, 1666, where Puritans, Indians, and adultery come together in Roland Joffe's overlong, overwrought re-interpretation of Nathaniel Hawthorne's classic, The Scarlet Letter. Literary purists will be aghast at some of the liberties taken with the original text, but my complaints have more to do with cinematic misjudgments than with those in the book-to-screen translation. And, believe me, there are plenty of problems with this production without having to resort to a cry of "it's not faithful to the book!"
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George and the Dragon
Gallant knight, Sir George (James Purefoy) returns from the Crusades, eager to settle down on a small plot of land and rear cattle. In exchange for this meagre reward, George promises King Edgar (Simon Callow) he will rescue Princess Luna (Piper Perabo) from the clutches of the world’s last, fire-breathing dragon.
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1993′s “Sniper”, about American military snipers working in the brushes of Panama, was a minor hit. Ten years later we get “Sniper 2″, which brings Tom Berenger back to reprise his role of Beckett, an aging Marine sniper who must team up with a younger sniper to take out a military leader on the wrong side of American interests. The two movies, if you were wondering, have essentially the same premise.
This time around Beckett is brought out of retirement with the promise of “anything he wants”, and teamed up with Cole (Bokeem Woodbine), an Army sniper who was sitting on Death Row before he was plucked out to go on the mission with promises of a pardon. (In the original, the youngster was Billy Zane of “Titanic” fame.) The target this time around is a Serbian military leader in an unnamed Balkan city (or if it was named, I missed it), who has gotten on the bad side of the CIA. Since Hollywood is incapable of showing the CIA in any light other than dark and sinister (see “The Bourne Identity”), the CIA sends one of their agents to recruit Beckett to kill this latest nuisance.
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Elliot Richards (Brendan Fraser) is a geeky and overeager man working a dead-end job in a San Francisco call-center. He has no friends and his co-workers, who manipulate him, know he will do anything for acceptance. He has a crush on his colleague, Alison Gardner (Frances O'Connor), but lacks the courage to ask her out. After Elliot is ditched at a bar while trying to talk to Alison, he says that he would give anything for Alison to be with him. Satan (Elizabeth Hurley), in the form of a beautiful woman, offers to give Elliot seven wishes in return for his soul.
Young and Seductive
A pretty sex researcher is writing a book about sexual liaisons arranged online, but some of her lovely interviewees are turning up strangled to death.
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On the last night of the fiscal quarter, Dennis, Shenanigans manager, will be promoted to district manager if they have a 9000 day. To motivate the crew, he tells them the restaurant will close if they dont meet this goal. His competition is next door Ta-Tas, a bar with scantily clad waitresses, managed by the newly self-confident Calvin. At Ta-Tas, its Allisons first day shes nervous. At Shenanigans, Mason, a cook, is trying his best to be cool, without success. As the shift wears on, each employee faces his worst fears, and Dennis tries to learn how to attract women. Next door, Calvin and Allison make self discoveries. It all ends at the post-shift party.
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A Simple Twist of Fate
When high school music teacher Michael McCann discovers his wife is pregnant by another man, the couple divorce and Michael retreats into a life of solitude as a maker of finely crafted furniture in rural Virginia. Five years later, he lives in a small town, his only companion a valuable collection of gold coins. But his heart is set to be hurt again when Danny Newland, the unsavory younger brother of politician John Newland, crashes his brother's car outside the woods surrounding Michael's house. Desperate to recoup the loss of the car, Danny steals Michael's coins while he is sleeping and takes off into the night and is never seen again.
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Thank the dark powers of Cthulhu for the boys and girls at Mill Creek Entertainment, the company responsible for dumping all of those insanely enjoyable, genre-themed 50 Movie Pack DVD sets into bargain bins all across the globe. These things are loaded with a truly remarkable collection of piss-poor motion pictures, the sort of embarrassingly inept low-budget cinema that most people wouldnt pay two piles of pocket lint to own. I, however, am quickly acquiring quite the collection, and Drive-In Movie Classics is probably my favorite of the bunch. My first foray into this wonky anthology is Bill Rebanes 1987 effort Twisters Revenge, a movie centered around a trio of bumbling would-be thieves as they attempt to steal a computer system from a talking monster truck. Thats right a talking monster truck. At first I thought this mildly deranged action comedy was geared towards children, that is, until I discovered all of the sleazy sexual innuendos, the coarse language, and the numerous action set pieces that often involve shotgun shoot-outs and monster truck-related carnage. The jokes are ludicrously lame and often incorporate poorly-executed Three Stooges-style antics, none of which are particularly original. However, as dodgy as the whole goofy affair may be, its still impossibly entertaining, and should thrill those who have the stomach for unintentionally hilarious actioncomedies overflowing with dated slapstick humor, whiny monster trucks, and rednecks driving a big-ass tanks through parades. I know youre out there.
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The Newton family from the original Beethoven movies are on vacation in Europe but do plan to join a Newton family reunion and to make sure one of their family members definitely makes it, they ship him to travel to the reunion with George Newtons brother Richard. Guess which family member it was? Thats right, Beethoven! The giant mutt follows Richard Newton and his family of a nagging wife and two bratty kids as they hit the road to California in a huge, shiny - and expensive RV, equipped with a DVD player. Following them are two bumbling crooks who have hidden some secret codes on a DVD that they figure no one in the world will buy, but someone does Richard. So now theyve got a DVD holding top secret information and the crooks must get it back...
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FairyTale: A True Story
Based on factual accounts, this is the story of two young girls that, somehow, have the ability to take pictures of winged beings... which certainly causes quite a stir throughout England during the time of the first World War. Everyone, except the girls who think its quite normal, are excited about this photographic proof that fairies exist... even the great Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Harry Houdini pay the girls a visit.
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Hi-5: Five Alive
Get moving, get grooving and feel great with HI-5 FIVE ALIVE.Take a deep breath and get ready to move cause the gang from Hi-5 bring you their most energetic video ever. Its an action-packed romp through the world of movement, dance and activities. So join Kellie, Kathleen, Charli, Tim and Nathan - and gear up for a high impact imagination workout where..........
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Left in Darkness
A young woman, whose mother died giving birth to her, is facing eternal life in either Heaven or Hell. She must make the choice who to listen to, her guardian angel, whom she met when she was a child, or the evil ones.
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