Lesbian Vampire Killers

Lesbian Vampire Killers
How any film with the words 'Lesbian' and 'Vampire' in the title can be so unentertaining, so unsexy and so damned unfunny is almost beyond us at IGN.

Lesbian Vampire Killers stars two of the biggest stars in Britain at the moment, James Corden and Mathew Horne, who have not only have attained national treasure status off the back of hit British BBC comedy Gavin and Stacey (which stars the pair, and is co-written by Corden), but also have a new sketch show out.

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Aftermath: Population Zero

Aftermath: Population Zero
While the special effects are entertaining in some cases, that is far, far overwhelmed by the sheer exaggerations, assumptions, and out right fabrications perpetrated by the creators of this farce. This program is clearly geared to evoke a variety of politically correct responses to the fuzzy and questionable pseudo-science prevalent in society today.

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3:10 to Yuma

3:10 to Yuma
Hop aboard this old western remake where director James Mangold walks the line between dark and light in a wonderfully filmed tale of redemption. Yes, groan, another remake of a classic Hollywood film, but Mangold adds thirty minutes and a whole new dimension to the original, which, let’s face it, only crazy Elmore Leonard fans have actually seen.

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Far Cry

Far Cry
Uwe Boll (which is German for “Appalling Filmmaker”) has made a living over recent years (and has angered a great deal of people) by transforming beloved video game properties into epically awful movies. As a result, the cultural landscape has become tragically cluttered with unwatchable motion pictures such as House of the Dead, BloodRayne, Alone in the Dark and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. Boll’s latest video game adaptation-turned-sign-of-the-Apocalypse is 2008’s Far Cry, which was adapted from the PC shooter of the same name. The lush tropical island setting of the game has been replaced with the Pacific Northwest, and silently sneaking through the forest picking off soldiers has been replaced with abysmal dialogue and brainless, unexciting action scenes. Never thought it would happen, but Boll has reached yet another new low. After showing evidence that he may be improving in 1968 Tunnel Rats, Boll’s work is firmly back in the doldrums.

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The Dark Lurking

The Dark Lurking
That statement may well be true, but The Dark Lurking takes place underground. Beats me what they were thinking, but that's just one of many confusing aspects of this slapdash sci-fi/horror entry. It is a conglomeration of imagery co-opted from better films and one of the most poorly written scripts I've seen in a long while.

Outpost 320, located deep under the surface of an unnamed planet, is a scientific bunker that performs mysterious experiments on human subjects. Something has gone drastically wrong, and bizarre monsters have emerged to massacre most of the people inside. The government has locked the place down and the survivors, along with a rescue team sent down to investigate, must maneuver through level after level of mayhem to have a chance at escape.

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Charlie Bartlett

Charlie Bartlett
It's a given that most comedies centered around kids and high schools will involve, to one degree or another, the subject of popularity. For the average teenager, few things are more important than being liked. The ultimate high is being recognized and respected by the entire student body. Of course, looking back from the perspective of years (or decades), it all seems so superficial, but that's not how it feels "in the moment." Despite a maddeningly inconsistent tone, Charlie Bartlett takes viewers back into the classrooms and hallways of high school as it follows the improbable climb of one student from outcast to icon, and observes the consequences of his popularity.

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X2
The problem with X2 is essentially the same one that plagued X-Men: too many characters, resulting in too little screen time for each one. X2 may be the most ambitious superhero motion picture to date, but it doesn't work quite as well as Spider-Man or Superman, both of which are, in some ways, inferior. The reason is simple: in those movies, we get into the skin of the protagonist, whether it's nerdy Peter Parker or bumbling Clark Kent. In X-Men and its sequel, there are simply too many heroes running around. Unless you're a fan of the comic book series, you need a cheat sheet to keep them all straight – and that doesn't count the cameos (Colossus, Kitty Pride, Jubilee, etc.).

To be fair, X2 does a better job than X-Men, primarily because it isn't saddled with the baggage of having to introduce everyone. The only new major mutant is the blue-skinned teleporter Nightcrawler (Alan Cumming); everyone else is a returning player. Nevertheless, most of the X-Men come across as no more three-dimensional than their comic book counterparts. There are a few exceptions, with tough guy Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) and telepath Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) leading the way. And one could make a case for teenager Rogue (Anna Paquin) and arch-villain Magneto (Ian McKellan). But there's still a lot of underused talent. Patrick Stewart (as Professor X, who runs the show), for example, is completely wasted, as is Halle Berry (as weather-controlling Storm). James Marsden's Cyclops, with his laserbeam eyes, has about the same amount of paltry screen time as he had in X-Men. Shapeshifter Mystique (Rebecca Romjin-Stamos) gets more exposure, but her personality remains a black hole.

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Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four
Fantastic Four is the comic book that gave birth to Marvel Comics, making it the older sibling to such better-known titles as Spider-Man, X-Men, and The Incredible Hulk. The reason Fantastic Four has been relegated to the role of "ugly stepsister" is simple: a lack of publicity. While those other comic books have been honored with their own big-budget Hollywood films, Fantastic Four has languished, with only two animated TV series and a so-bad-it-was-never-released 1994 feature to its name. Now, that has changed. Fantastic Four has gotten its own $100 million movie. Too bad the adjective in the title is not an apt descriptor.

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Hole in My Heart

Hole in My Heart
Of all the films I have seen in my life, A Hole in My Heart may have been the most disappointing. This is the fourth film from hot Swedish director Lukas Moodysson. Two of his previous three movies, Show Me Love and Lilya 4-Ever, made my year-end Top 10 lists. So it was with great anticipation that I settled into a seat on the first Friday night of the 2004 Toronto Film Festival to see A Hole in My Heart. 98 minutes later, I felt like I had been dragged through a vat of raw sewage laced with Sominex.

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Howl's Moving Castle

Howl's Moving Castle
Now that Disney has joined Fox and Dreamworks in abandoning traditional animation for that of the 3-D computer generated variety, hand-drawn animation has become an endangered species (although, given the cyclical nature of this sort of thing, it will probably eventually re-emerge). Perhaps the only high-profile hold-out of this venerable genre to reach U.S. movie screens is Hayao Miyazaki, Japan's premiere animated filmmaker. Known for nearly two decades by fans of Japanese anime, Miyazaki gained widespread American exposure when his previous feature, Spirited Away, won the Best Animated Feature Oscar in 2003. Since then, Miyazaki's latest, Howl's Moving Castle, has been awaited with great anticipation.

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Gods and Monsters

Gods and Monsters
Frankenstein. The Old Dark House. The Invisible Man. The Bride of Frankenstein. Show Boat. Although this may sound like one of those "which doesn't belong" games, there is a common element to all five '30s motion pictures - they are the enduring legacy of director James Whale. Whale, an Englishman who started on the British stage, came to Hollywood in 1930, and, with the release of Frankenstein in 1931, established himself as a premiere horror film maker. Whale's career spanned the '30s, but, after the spectacular failure of 1937's The Road Back (a picture on which he claims to have lost creative control), his star dimmed. By the mid-'40s, he was out of the motion picture industry and had turned his attention to painting. In 1957, following a stroke that left him in a state of constant mental deterioration, he drowned himself in a swimming pool. Gods and Monsters presents a fictionalized account of the last month of Whale's life, and is replete with flashbacks to his boyhood, his time in the trenches during World War One, and his movie-making heyday.

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Blood Crime

Blood Crime
For burned-out Seattle cop Daniel Pruitt, a camping trip turns hellish when his wife, Jessica, is savagely attacked in the forest. En route to the hospital, the Pruitts collide with a semi, and Jessica identifies the driver as her assailant. Enraged, Pruitt pummels the man. Once at the ER, however, she changes her mind and names a male nurse as her attacker. But before Pruitt can make amends, he learns that his victim, the son of Sheriff Morgan McKenna, is dead.

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End Game

End Game
The president is on his way to give a speech. While he is traveling there a man shows up with a camera. A reporter tries to ask a member of the secret service a question. When the president enters he is shot by the man with the camera. The president's main bodyguard (Alex Thomas) is grazed by the bullet that hits the

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Coneheads

Coneheads
An alien couple known as Beldar and Prymatt with cone-shaped heads from the planet called Remulak is mistakingly ditched on earth, during a scouting mission for planet conquest. While here, they dodge the INS, have a child and discover that life on Earth is quite good. But unfortunately they are being chased by the government who knows something is not quite right with the Conehead family. After they are rescued and taken back to their planet, Belder is told to come back and destroy planet Earth!

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Gallipoli

Gallipoli
The story of a group of young Australian men who leave their various backgrounds behind and sign up to join the ANZACs in World War I. They are sent to Gallipoli, where they encounter the might of the Turkish army.

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Lush Life

Lush Life
Gorky and Chester are the best of friends and two of the finest session musicians on New York Citys Jazz scene. Unfortunately this life-style of excess, musical camaraderie and one-night stands has begun to take its toll on Gorkys relationship and Chesters failing health. In an attempt to farewell their bohemian past the two friends decide to host one final party of unadulterated jazz before confronting an uncertain future.

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