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Ruslan. Driven to Kill
Sadly, Steven Seagal is not really driven anywhere in Driven to Kill. The man is getting older, fatter (well, not that much fatter), and I thought this might be a geriatric revenge film on par with Death Wish 3. I wish someone had to drive him someplace so he could go kill someone, but the title is misleading on that front.
Steven Seagal. Direct to video. What do you need to know? You need to know that this is a fairly efficient and brutal action movie that manages to make the most of Seagal. There’s not much else to look for in this movie, though he does have an effective antagonist in Igor Jijikine, who is best known for being eaten by ants in Indiana Jones and the Terrible Movie. Seagal plays a father with mod ties who comes home for his daughter and he upcoming marriage. But his ex-wife (who he’d still fuck) gets murdered and his daughter ends up in a coma. Bad move, bad guys.
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Mongolian Death Worm
Films like Steven R. Monroe’s 2010 SyFy original “Mongolian Death Worm” aren’t very difficult to review. It’s pretty simple stuff: You either like it or you don’t. There isn’t anything to dissect, nothing to chew over. In fact, “Mongolian Death Worm” is even easier to grade than other low-budget creature features, as it falls under what I like to call the “Tremors Technique”. Instead of critiquing the picture in a traditional manner, I assess the situation and score it against “Tremors” and its sequels. Since the installments in that series are automatically arranged from best to worst — “Tremors”, of course, being the high water mark — assigning a sequel to a monster movie like “Mongolian Death Worm” is a relatively easy task to accomplish. After all, just about every post-”Tremors” giant worm movie owes at least one thing or another to Ron Underwood’s camp classic.
That’s not to say that “Mongolian Death Worm” can’t stand on its own two legs, because it certainly can. However, it wouldn’t be wise to expect anything remotely original or surprising from Monroe’s by-the-numbers sci-fi flick, especially if you’re well-versed in the “giant worm” subgenre. In fact, the only thing saving this cinematic invertebrate from sinking to the very bottom of the bargain bin is the tongue-in-cheek stupidity of its script and the unflappable Sean Patrick Flannery. The guy plays his part for all its worth, often chewing so much scenery in one take that his head appears ready to split wide open. When you know that he’s is capable of so much more — take a look at “Powder” or “Suicide Kings” if you need confirmation — it makes you appreciate his manic performance in “Mongolian Death Worm” that much more. He straddles that fine line like a pro.
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When I think of director Richard Donner, my mind gravitates toward titles like Superman and Lethal Weapon - high points in the filmmaker's career. Recently, however, Donner's output has been less impressive, and includes the bloated excess of Assassins and the awfulness of Timeline. Sadly, 16 Blocks is not a film to recall the glory days. It's a cobbled together mess of clichés that fails to surprise at any of its turns. Despite occasional bursts of suspense, the movie as a whole plays out as a long 95 minutes, with its lack of inventiveness leading us more frequently into tediousness than tension.
16 Blocks is a high concept movie: a broken-down cop (Bruce Willis) is charged with taking a criminal/witness (Mos Def) on a 16 block trip through New York City, from a police lockup to a courthouse. Along the way, they become targets of dirty cops (led by David Morse) who are anxious to silence the witness. Plus, there's a time element. If the testimony doesn't happen by 10:00 am, the Grand Jury will be disbanded and the cops will be free. Once could see how this premise could result in a white-knuckle thriller. Or a bore of a retread. 16 Blocks comes closer to the latter.
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Blood and Chocolate
How do you get a werewolf movie to earn a PG-13 rating? Turn it into a Harlequin romance. Actually, Blood and Chocolate still shows signs of neutering but what has been toned down to get the teen-friendly classification is the sex and nudity not the gore. One has to give the filmmakers credit for carving out a new niche in werewolf lore (this sort of story is typically reserved for vampires - werewolves aren't generally viewed as sexy). Director Katja von Garnier approaches a human/lycanthrope coupling as a Romeo & Juliet affair, only with a little more fur involved.
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So much pot is con sumed in Billy Corben's "Square Grouper," an absorbing and troubling documentary about marijuana smuggling in Florida in the 1970s and '80s, that you could get a contact high just watching it.
The film, which takes its name from the bales of marijuana tossed overboard by smugglers while being chased by the cops, follows three sets of people:
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Two Weeks Notice
What can I write about Two Weeks Notice that I haven't written about every mediocre romantic comedy to come down Hollywood's pipeline? There's the cotton candy comparison – the movie is sweet (sometimes too sweet) and airy, with so little substance that it teases without sustaining or satisfying, and is instantly forgotten the moment it is gone. Or the city snowfall metaphor – fresh and full of promise to start, then growing progressively less appealing as the fluff turns to slush. Both are apt when it comes to Two Weeks Notice, a movie that is relentlessly inoffensive and completely unoriginal – two qualities that combine to make it only sporadically charming and rarely (if ever) compelling.
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At one point in history, indigenous populations around the globe were evolving slowly and happily, whether in North America, South America, Africa, or Australia. Then, spearheaded by a wave of intrepid explorers, came the Europeans, spreading out across the world like a plague of locusts. Whether a case of social Darwinism or unchecked Imperialist aggression, it didn't take long before the White Man had conquered those lands where they had any interest in establishing a settlement. While the backgrounds of those going to Australia and America were vastly different, the results were similar: native populations diminished and oppressed, then reduced to second-class citizens in the re-shaped lands that were once theirs.
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The first encounter with the family of a spouse (or would-be spouse) can be a daunting experience, especially when their world is not yours, and vice versa. For his feature debut, director Phil Morrison (from a script by Angus MacLachlan) takes us into a melodrama-free zone for this story. A keenly observed slice of life, Junebug captures the little comedies and tragedies of everyday living. There is sadness and humor here, but all understated. The film is mostly about the details of the characters' day-to-day personal dramas - why the VCR won't record, where the screwdriver is, etc. Junebug requires a certain amount of patience from its viewers. Those who provide that will be rewarded in the end.
I want to propose a resolution that Hollywood should immediately adopt: No more movies about Mars. (And I'm not referring to the Roman god of war.) 2000 has now seen two of them (the other being Bottom 10 contender Mission to Mars), and, between the films, there's ample evidence that no more should be produced.
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Blue Hill Avenue
Four friends—Tristan (the leader), Simon (the right hand man),E-Bone (the hot head) and Money (the mediator)--are street smart kids growing up in the tough Mattapan section of Boston in the 1980s. Starting out as small-time dope dealers on Blue Hill Avenue in Mattapan Square, they eventually go to work for Benny, a major player in the Boston crime scene. As the four friends grow up and become the biggest dealers in the city, things become increasingly heated: Tristan's wife wants him to leave the business because she's pregnant, Tristan finds out his sister is hooked on drugs and is alienated from his family, Simon becomes obsessed with a near-death experience and expects to die, cops dog their tracks trying every trick in and out of the book to catch them, and Benny, their main supplier, wants them out of the business for good. Worse, it becomes clear one of the four is trying to sell the others out to the cops. In the end, Tristan faces Benny down, after losing his friends, and is able to get out of the business—and the life—for good.
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Phillip Fielder is a man who is struggling to rise up in his competitive career. Then his sister passes away leaving him custody of her 8 year old autistic son. As the days pass by Fielder learns the hardships, but ultimately the happiness that comes from being a father.
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Three people from different walks of life find themselves trapped inside a stalled elevator. What at first seems like an inconvenience rapidly escalates into a nightmare.
In 1947, noted Satanist Aleister Crowley dies. In Cambridge, 43 years later, with the help of a computer, Crowleys spirit takes over the body of Haddo, a mild-mannered, stuttering don. Over four days, as Crowley prepares for an occult extravaganza, bodies pile up, Crowleys elect engage in rites of passage, and Lia, a red-headed campus reporter, sniffs out a story that puts her in grave danger. Mathers, a scientist recently arrived from Cal Tech, may hold the key to her destiny.
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Friends Jenna and Tara are on their way to a cheer-leading contest. At a gas station they decide to help two guys, Oliver and Chad who are having problem with their car. What they dont know is that they are being watched by a group of mad men. Their only intention is to hunt them down and kill them for pleasure. After being captured and locked up, survival is the only thing that matters, but just how far are they willing to go?
From Pentimento, the memoirs of late playwright Lillian Hellman, JULIA covers those years in the 1930s when Lillian attained fame with the production of her first play The Childrens Hour on Broadway. Not surprisingly, it centers on Lillians relationship with her lifelong friend, Julia. It is a relationship that goes beyond mere acquaintance and one for which the word love seems appropriate. While Julia attends the University in Vienna, studying with such luminaries as Sigmund Freud and Albert Einstein, Lillian suffers through revisions of her play with her mentor and sometimes lover Dashiel Hammett at a New England beachhouse. After becoming a celebrated playwright, Lillian is invited to a writers conference in Russia. Julia, having taken up the battle against fascism, enlists Lillian en route to smuggle money through Nazi Germany which will assist in the Anti-Fascist cause. It is a dangerous mission especially for a Jewish intellectual on her way to communist Russia. During a brief meeting with Julia on this trip, Lillian learns that Julia has had a child which is called Lilly. Shortly after returning to the States, Lillian is informed of Julias murder. The details of her death are shrouded in secrecy. Lillian sadly travels to England to search for her namesake the child she had promised Julia to care for.
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My Blue Heaven
FBI agent Barney Coopersmith is assigned to protect former Mafia figure turned informant Vincent Antonelli. In the witness protection program one is supposed to keep a low profile, but that is something that Antonelli has trouble doing. Coopersmith certainly has his hands full keeping Antonelli away from the Mafia hitmen who want to stop him testifying, not to mention the nightclubs...
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