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1408
Confession time: Not only have I read (literally) every story ever written by Stephen King (some of 'em two or three times), but I've also seen (literally) every movie inspired by his books. Some of 'em four or five times. I discovered the man's work around the time I was 13 -- and I devoured his early paperbacks like a junkie devours his drug of choice. I was hooked. All through high school and college and "grown-up" life, if there was a new King paperback out there, I had to have it. Most I liked, some I truly did not, and I few I really went crazy for. And since I'm even more of a movie geek than I am a passionate reader, I'm always pretty excited to sit down with a new cinematic adaptation. (And no amount of Dreamcatchers will ever change that.)

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Girl with a Pearl Earring

Girl with a Pearl Earring
Girl with a Pearl Earring is the first feature for director Peter Webber. Most freshman filmmakers don't come close to Webber's level of accomplishment, and (not to take anything away from him) some of the credit must certainly be parceled out to the cast and the cinematographer, Eduardo Serra. Girl with a Pearl Earring offers sumptuous visuals and compelling drama effectively intermingled in a pleasing, satisfying production. The director has crafted the film with great care, composing each frame like a painting with respect to color, light, camera placement, and texture. Girl with a Pearl Earring could be silent and it would still be an amazing achievement. Indeed, the dialogue is sparse, which forces the performers to do most of their acting with expressions and body language - something Scarlett Johansson (who can also be seen in Lost in Translation) excels at. By reading her eyes and face, we understand her thoughts.

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Perfect Stranger

Perfect Stranger
What would happen if a late-night, D-grade direct-to-cable thriller excised all of the raunchily enjoyable elements and managed to attract an A-list cast? The result might be shockingly like Perfect Stranger, a movie so inane that it fails to rise to the level of "good trash." Like Hannibal Rising, this is one of those dumb thrillers where's it's tough to decide which element is worse: the direction, the editing, the acting, or the writing. There are times when a movie like Perfect Stranger can achieve the status of a "guilty pleasure" - assuming there's plenty of sex and nudity to go along with the purple prose and cheap twists. In this case, however, the lurid elements have been neutered, resulting in a production that's not much fun.

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Over the Hedge

Over the Hedge
Over the Hedge, a feature-length adaptation of the popular comic strip, offers further proof that the Golden Age of Digital Animation has come and gone. This is arguably the most entertaining animated film since The Incredibles, but it's not much more than an enjoyable diversion. There are cute CGI animals, clever dialogue, a satirical look at suburban America, and a preachy moral, but it doesn't amount to much. Considering how the marketplace has changed, maybe it's unfair to compare Over the Hedge with the likes of Toy Story, Shrek, and Finding Nemo, but there's a world of difference. Those films engaged audiences of all ages on a variety of levels. This one falls in their shadow in terms of both ambition and achievement.

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Riff-Raff

Riff-Raff
Stevie (Robert Carlyle) is an ex-con from Scotland struggling to start anew. In an attempt to change his life, he takes a construction job in North London where he meets an assortment of others who, in one way or another, are just like him. He has no place to live, and doesn't make enough to rent a flat, so his co-workers happily appropriate a "squat" for him. Soon after, he meets Susan (Emer McCourt), an aspiring singer with a lot of heart but very little talent. The narrative moves on from there, detailing a short period in the lives of Stevie, Susan, and the workers on the construction site.

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Hurlyburly

Hurlyburly
Hurlyburly is a talky film - the entire movie is constructed around lengthy sequences of dialogue where the characters talk and talk and talk, often saying nothing. However, because the vocal rhythms are so perfect, the words are so well-chosen, and the performances are so powerful, listening to so much talk is a pleasure, not a chore. It's possible to lose oneself in Hurlyburly, precisely because nearly every line has a hypnotic quality. The action and suspense is in the words, not the deeds. We don't wait to see what the characters will do next, we wait to hear what they will say next.

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The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury

The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury
At the dawn of the century came a little movie called Pitch Black that didn't seem like an opportunity for blockbuster inflation. Produced for a mere $20 million, it turned out to be only moderately successful yet built up a cult following on video and cable.

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Cats & Dogs

Cats & Dogs
For his feature debut, director Lawrence Guterman has attempted to fuse Babe (cute talking animal trying to navigate his way through a world of humans and other talking animals) with Spy Kids (family-friendly espionage story). In a strange way, he has succeeded - Cats and Dogs takes the worst elements of both movies and pulls them together to create an end-product so juvenile and tedious that only a child could possibly appreciate what it has to offer. Cats and Dogs isn't just a miscalculation - it's a wholesale blunder.

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Hillside Cannibals

Hillside Cannibals
In the year 1606, Sawney Bean (Leigh Scott), a ruthless psychopath, earned a notoriety as the world's most brutal serial killer, predating Jack the Ripper and Bloody Bill by several hundred years. In life, Sawney was a cannibal, who captured his victims and literally butchered them, feasting on their corpses afterwards.

His practices are continued in the modern day by his in-bred descendants, who dwell in vast caves on the coast and feed on the flesh of passers-by, as a group of teenagers soon discover whilst exploring the steep cliff-face where Sawney's descendants dwell in search of flesh.

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War Eagle, Arkansas

War Eagle, Arkansas
Coming of age in an Ozark town. Enoch is a high school senior he stutters, has one friend, Wheels, a kid with CP whos in a wheelchair, and thinks about college in Tennessee on a baseball scholarship. Hes philosophical, loves poetry, and lives with his mom and grandfather. Life gets complicated when he finds himself attracted to Abby, one of the popular girls. When he starts hanging out with her, even though he wants Wheels along, in part to help him finish his sentences, it causes friction between the two friends and gives Enoch pause about whether he should leave town to make something of himself. Can he figure out what he wants without hurting anyones feelings? Maybe not.

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Vegas Vacation

Vegas Vacation
When Clark Griswold puts his mind to something, we soon realize he hasnt got one. Still, nothing stops him when the vacation bug hits. This time, hes chosen Las Vegas, the new family entertainment capital of America! Chevy Chase returns as bubbly, bumbling Clark in Vegas Vacation, a jokers-are-wild laugh fest including two other stars from past Vacations. Beverly DAngelo is back as wife Ellen, doting on the guy she calls Sparky, and Randy Quaid again delights as grubby goof ball Cousin Eddie. Ethan Embry (That Thing You Do!) and screen-debuting Marisol Nichols are Griswold teens who love the round-the-clock nightlife - as long as they dont share it with Mom and Dad! From Seigfried and Roys extravaganza to a Hoover Dam tour, from cruising to losing (Wallace Shawn as a shifty blackjack dealer) to amorous crooning (Wayne Newton falls for Ellen) watch Clark try to keep family and wallet together!

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Kevin & Perry Go Large

Kevin & Perry Go Large
Best friends Kevin and Perry decide they need to lose their virginity and become "top DJs", and plan to go to Ibiza to do so. They receive a reward for accidentally foiling a bank raid, and with Kevin's parents agreeing on the condition that they accompany them, they go to Ibiza.

Once in Ibiza, they meet the world famous DJ Eyeball Paul (whose nickname derives from his practice of vodka eyeballing),[1] who takes every opportunity to patronise and insult them - of which they seem to be blissfully ignorant, describing him repeatedly as "such a nice bloke" and "a rinsing geezer". Kevin and Perry persuade Eyeball Paul to play a song they have created at his next performance, but only after they carry out several chores for him, including cleaning his kitchen floor and unblocking his toilet by hand.

Throughout their stay in Ibiza, Kevin and Perry set their sights on "the girls of their dreams", Candice and Gemma, whom Kevin and Perry try and chat up with put-on posh accents. The teenagers experience several bizarre mishaps which set back their pursuit of Candice and Gemma, including being vomited on from a height and crashing mopeds, and their friendship is strained when Perry films Kevin's parents while they are having sex.

The film ends with Kevin and Perry losing their virginity to Candice and Gemma respectively. When back at home, the boys are seen signing copies of their record in a music store, whilst Kevin's parents are seen signing copies of a video they have made about better mid-marriage sex.

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Street Sisters aka Black Hooker

Street Sisters aka Black Hooker
she was LOVEABLE...she was MEAN...DAMN MEAN

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Brubaker

Brubaker
When the new Warden comes in disguised as an inmate, he sees first hand all the corruption and scams the guards and prison officials and running. When he reveals himself, and starts to implement reforms to stop the corruption, the local community business, who had been benefiting from the scams, fights back, and the corrupt southern prison system, starts making political trouble for the new warden.

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Leprechaun 4: In Space

Leprechaun 4: In Space
On a distant planet, a power hungry Leprechaun kidnaps a Dominian princess, Princess Zarina, and plans to make himself king, but not if a bumbling brigade of space marines have anything to say about it. Their commander is a mad scientist by the name of Dr. Mittenhand, whos half machine thanks to one of his experiments. Once on the planet, Leprechaun is blown up, but quickly is reborn through one of the marines (ala Alien) and wreaks havoc aboard the ship, meanwhile Dr. Mittenhand plans to use the princess for his experiments to make himself whole again. But now, after many of the marines are killed, Leprechaun turns Dr. Mittenhand into a grotesque monster and plans to blow up the ship. The remaining marines have to stop his evil plans and blow him up.

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Men in Black II

Men in Black II
Kay and Jay are back in black as the scum-fighting super-agents - regulators of all things alien on planet Earth. Their latest mission to save the world from a total intergalactic disaster! When a renegade Kylothian monster disguised as a lingerie model threatens the survival of the human race, the boys of the MIB get the call to step up and get busy. With their headquarters under siege and time running out, Agents Kay and Jay enlist the help of Frank the Pug and a posse of hard-living worms to help them kick some seriously sexy alien butt!

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